


Otherside

by The_Lady_smaell



Category: Naruto
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Angst, Angst and Feels, BAMF Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Izumo, BAMF Kotetsu, BAMF Umino Iruka, Bad Soap Opera levels of writing quality., But I'm not gonna, Confused Hatake Kakashi, Drunk Shinobi, Emotions are Complicated, Everyone Has Issues, Gen, Hand-wavey Naruto science, Homophobic Language, I should stop picking on Iruka, I'm Going to Hell, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Iruka has the worst Self-esteem issues, Iruka is a good bro, It Gets Worse, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Izumo and Kotetsu are good bros, Just read it'll make sense, Kind of..., M/M, Medical Procedures, Much worse, Naruto is a good Bro, No Spoilers, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sorry Not Sorry, Swearing, This is kinda AU, Tsunade is also kinda a BAMF (Sometimes), Tsunade is kinda a bitch, WARNING: IMPLIED/ REFERENCED SELF INFLICTED HARM, character abuse, dealing with grief, please heed the warnings, warning: references to depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-01-25 03:43:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21349690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lady_smaell/pseuds/The_Lady_smaell
Summary: After a freak encounter Kakashi finds himself in a most unusual situation: trapped outside his body unable to find a way back in. But the only glimmer of hope is in the most unlikely of people. Just who is Umino Iruka and what is his interest in Kakashi?(Originally posted on Fanfiction.net)
Relationships: Hagane Kotetsu & Kamizuki Izumo & Umino Iruka, Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Tsunade & Umino Iruka, Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 33
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-edit/upload of one of my fics over on FF.net. I'm trying to consolidate all my fics together and it's giving me a chance to make them more readable. It also means I can try and remember where the heck I was up to lol.
> 
> I appreciate any feedback/pointers and will try to not take forever to edit these.
> 
> Much love to you all.
> 
> Smaell.

Otherside: Chapter one

"Kakashi-sensei..." The feminine voice was quiet and worried.

Through the haze of darkness the familiar voice filtered through to his consciousness, eyes still shut tightly Hatake Kakashi mentally smirked.

"Come on baka! Wake up goddamn it!" The second voice was decidedly more masculine, but even at seventeen years old it still lacked the maturity of an adult.

The mental smirk grew. Ah Naruto, never one to mince his words, the silver haired man almost felt like laughing at the worry evident in both of his student's voices. It seemed the two brats were a bit more attached to him than they let on. He was _absolutely_ not going to let them live this down, but he may as well milk it while he could.

"Sakura, he's not moving... are you sure he's okay? He was hit pretty hard by that guy"

Kakashi felt rather than saw the girl nodding, even if it was a little frantically and felt himself glower slightly; he hadn't been hit all _that_ hard. Admittedly the jutsu he had been hit by was something he hadn't seen before but it hadn't exactly been powerful, Kakashi was after all still very much alive.

"His vitals are fine, just a little shallow. I don't get why he won't wake up." The tight exasperation in her voice betrayed the worry "There aren't any abnormalities. It makes no sense."

"The stupid old bastard is probably just faking" Naruto intoned morosely "You know he's probably getting a kick out of us worrying."

From his prone position Kakashi almost laughed out loud. It was scary sometimes how well his brats knew him.

"Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. But all I know is that we really have to get moving soon. I don't want any more of the creeps jumping out of the wood work."

The jounin happily echoed those sentiments. Although a fight had been expected the mission parameters had vastly underestimated the missing-nin's abilities. They had been powerful and well organised, but still no match for him and his team. That however didn't mean he wanted a rematch any time soon. Deciding now was the time to call an end to his little charade he opened his eyes.

And gazed up into nothing.

Kakashi felt momentarily confused, he could have sworn that Naruto and Sakura had been right next to him when they were talking. He sat up and took in the scene around him, seeking out the members of his team.

Around him the clearing the battle had taken place in was chaos. Trees were uprooted and blown to literal bits, the very ground itself had been torn asunder no doubt from one of Sakura's chakra infused attacks. All around the evidence of various jutsu still smouldered and the unmistakeable aroma of burning flesh was wafting in the air. The last thought brought a bitter taste to the copy-nin's mouth; he hated the fact that the younger members of his team had had to initiate the 'cleanup'.

Kakashi's mind flew back to the battle; it had started off fairly simply the weaker members of the enemies group trying rather unsuccessfully to pick them off one at a time. They had quickly been dealt with and then the heavy hitters had joined in. There were four of them all at least tokubetsu jounin, two males and two females. The two ladies were identical twins and attacked in tandem, all fluid grace and deadly accuracy. They had excelled with physical and jutsu projectiles and had sprouted senbon from area's Kakashi didn't even want to think about. The pair had been dispatched relatively quickly by a wolf raikiri, the dark brown of their eyes diming as the electric fangs pierced their skin, severing their major arteries.

The two men were clearly of a higher skill level. Sakura had been taking on the taller of the two, a young man with dark waist length hair, slender but muscular and coiled tightly like a spring. His speed had originally surprised the pink haired kunoichi and the man had been arrogant enough to underestimate Sakura; openly taunting her for being a 'feeble woman'. Thinking he had the advantage with his speed had had struck straight toward her in a front on assault. Sakura had just smiled sweetly before raising one chakra filled fist and slamming it into the ground, causing the entire world to tilt sideways. She had then launched her own retaliatory assault and with one well placed chakra scalpel had decapitated her opponent sending blood spraying everywhere.

Naruto had the final opponent, an elderly man with pure white hair and a ragged disposition. His robes were old and forest green in colour, decorated with an obscure symbol: a warped bell on top of three joined circles. Around his waist he carried several pouches and jars, odd attire for a shinobi. At first he had seemed weaker than the twins just barely fending off Naruto's relentless assault. But as each of his companions fell his strength and skill grew and soon the young blonde found himself being overwhelmed. The man was so clearly beyond his two student's level it wasn't even funny, even the three of them struggled as the elder was pulling jutsu out from left and right keeping them scattered, not giving the team chance to regroup.

The old man seemed to be focusing on Naruto trying to wear him down, no mean feat concerning the blonde fox boy. After a lucky earth jutsu hit the jinchuuriki, Naruto's leg was trapped between two slabs of stone and it was then that things started to get weird. The old man began chanting some weird incantation and the three already defeated foes _got back up._ Even the decapitated man _got back up_ and just carried his head under his arm, like a grotesque impersonation of the headless horseman. The three gathered around the old man eyes rolled back in their heads; a lifeless and inhuman shield against team Kakashi's assaults. The old man pulled one of the jars from his waist and opened the stopper a beam of the brightest light beginning to form at the open top.

The old man began to cackle some nonsense about adding the jinchuuriki to his collection and aimed the jars light directly at the blonde.

At this point Kakashi faltered, it was here that things got a little bit fuzzy. He remembered seeing the imminent attack on Naruto and his own body just spurring into action, jumping in front of the jutsu just before it hit the blonde. He remembered a distinct painful pulling sensation and then darkness, just complete darkness.

The silver haired Nin frowned at the last thought; it hadn't been the pain that had caused him to black out. So what had it been? It hadn't felt like a knockout jutsu, at least one that he knew of and what had been that whole business about his collection? Kakashi shook his head, filing those questions away for another day. There were more important things to be dealing with at the moment, like finding his team.

He stood up from his prone position and began searching through the ruins. He eventually found his squad behind one of the larger chunks of dislodged earth; the two youths crouched over what appeared to be a body, probably one of their enemies. He gave them full marks for acting accordingly on mission, but a minus for making sure all your comrades were okay.

After all they'd just left him lying in the dirt.

With a sardonic smirk he sauntered up behind the two nin, noting that their agitated state meant that they hadn't even noticed him approach. He shook his head in amusement, that missing-nin must have spooked them something rotten, yet more teasing material for the long and troublesome days ahead. Kakashi peeked over their shoulders intent on getting a look at who was more interesting than making sure their captain was okay, he was betting it was probably one of the twins.

After all he would love to know where some of those senbon came from...

He looked down at the prone figure and felt his blood turn to ice.

That was impossible... Denial bloomed in the copy-nin's chest along with a deep seated feeling of panic. Which given the situation he couldn't be blamed for, after all it wasn't ever day you saw your exact copy lying lifeless on the ground. He took a deep breath and steadied his nerves and uncovered his Sharingan. No, there was no henge around the body or genjutsu in the air and small amount of chakra flowing was definitely his own, if not somewhat altered. Although the silver haired man couldn't put his finger on why that was.

Kakashi closed his eyes and opened them again.

There was still no change in his perception, which lead to the only logical conclusion.

It really was _his_ prone body lying on the floor.

The panic intensified and he felt his limbs grow heavy. This had to be a joke, a truly fucking _awful_ joke that his two brats were pulling on him. Anger replaced panic and he reached out to grab the two ninja by the scruff of the neck.

His hand went straight through them.

Fingers of ice cold ran their way up and down his spine as he tried again to grab at the youngsters and again his hand just went right through them and neither blonde nor pink noticed. The feeling of utter helplessness overwhelmed Kakashi and he slumped to his knee's just watching the scene before him unfold.

"Sakura we need to get going." Naruto said, voice tense with worry.

"I know. Can you send one of your summons ahead to inform them of the situation? We need to get to the hospital as soon as possible." Sakura replied.

The blonde nodded and quickly summoned one of the messenger frogs of Mount Myobokuzan. The small orange creature greeted the two nin's warmly, but his happy mood immediately vanished when he saw the prone figure of the copy-nin unconscious on the floor. Realising the severity of his assignment, the little creature sat quietly while he received his message and vanished as quickly as he arrived.

The two seventeen year olds looked at one another with heavy expressions.

"We've done all we can Sakura-chan."

"I know." The sadness in her voice threaded through the air "I can't help feeling it's not enough. The amount of times he's saved our asses and now I can't even get him to wake up even though he's fine and..." She stopped as her voice gave out "It just makes me feel useless."

"You are not useless Sakura and I'm sure Kakashi-sensei wouldn't want you saying that. If anyone should be feeling bad it should be me. I shouldn't have got caught and he shouldn't have had to take that hit for me. This is my fault..."

Kakashi watched as his two charges dealt with their guilt over the whole situation and he suddenly realised just how much he meant to those two dysfunctional teens. It was eye opening; they'd obviously gotten closer after the whole 'Sasuke' thing. But that was not exactly a topic they wanted to broach in general conversation. But until now he hadn't realised quite how much he'd come to mean to them and to say the feeling was mutual would be stating it lightly. Those two incorrigible little bastards had wormed themselves under his skin.

The jounin sighed as he watched Naruto hoist the body onto his back and head toward Konoha. Hopefully Tsunade would have some answers and if she didn't...

Well he wasn't going to think about that right know.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is chapter 2, thankfully there wasn't a lot of editing to do so I was able to get it out pretty quick.
> 
> Enjoy people and let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Warnings: See first Chapter.

Otherside: Chapter Two

The team of ANBU met them about a mile and a half from the village's perimeter. Kakashi recognised the three man squad immediately; after all they were _his_ old ANBU squad. The captain in the wolf mask took charge; the strong female voice demanding a debriefing from the two shell shocked teens. Neither Naruto nor Sakura complained and quietly and concisely explained what had happened during the mission.

The other two ANBU; lizard and panther just moved beside them silently taking in the information. Kakashi also listened intently learning that after he had fallen Naruto had tapped into the Kyubbi to break free from his trappings and had blasted the son of a bitch straight to hell with a Kyubbi enhanced Rasen-shuriken. Suffice to say there hadn't been much left of any of the missing-nin after that.

They reached the hospital in record time and inside was chaos. Kakashi was suddenly somewhat grateful for his less than corporeal state, the hallways were overflowing with nurses and doctors, apparently they had all been clamouring to find out just what it was that had taken him down. Bunch of nosy bastards he snorted, the medical staff were even bigger gossip whores than the shinobi! And with people like Anko and Genma in that mix that was really, _really_ saying a lot. Either way if one more nurse walked through him he was going to raikiri someone. It was getting old, fast; even if he wasn't actually physically bumping into them.

The hospital suddenly stood still when the Hokage graced the halls with her presence, flanked by the ANBU team that had met up with Naruto and Sakura. She looked furious and worried at the same time, not a great combination as the hospital staff were about to find out.

"All non-essential staff get you asses out of her this instant!!! OR I WILL THROW THEM OUT! THIS IS _NOT SOME GOSSIP HOUSE!_ You two..." She motioned at Naruto and Sakura "Bring the brat in here and let's try and figure out what is going on."

Kakashi's two students nodded dumbly and followed the busty woman's orders, moving his unconscious body into the private room that had been prepared in advance. The jounin watched with detached amusement at the whole scenario, he guessed it was the onset of shock; there really wasn't anything funny about this situation. He'd never seen any of these people look so tense and that alone was causing the panic he'd squashed deep, _deep_ down to rear its ugly head.

Tsunade went about her business as briskly and tactless as usual. She prodded and poked, pinched and squeezed and generally left no metaphorical stone unturned, all the while being watched by Naruto, Sakura and Shizune. After over an hour of examination she huffed and folded her arms.

"I can't find anything wrong _physically_. His chakra is a little out of whack but that's about it. I'm baffled, there is no reason why he shouldn't be awake right now reading that damnable book of his. It's just like he's not there, but his brain functions are normal not like that of someone in a coma..."

The jounin stood and watched as Tsunade frustratedly paced up and down the room, muttering harshly under her breath. He wanted to scream' I'm here look at me', but he already knew from experience that it was a pointless endeavour, his team hadn't been able to sense him so what made him think Tsunade would.

"I need you to tell me everything about the jutsu that hit him and the person casting it. There must be something on file somewhere about them." The blonde sannin announced, folding her arms.

Naruto looked drained and nervous, and Kakashi could tell he didn't want to relive his part again. He'd already had to tell this tale three or four times and each time the guilt and sorrow was all the more pronounced. The blonde jinchuuriki bluntly retold his tale noting the forlorn look appearing on his Hokage's face and as he mentioned the symbol adorning the man's clothing the hazel eyes went wide.

"Tsunade-sama...?" Sakura asked her mentor, looking worried.

The older woman just shook her head muttering "It can't be them, they were just a legend. A fairy tale used to scare the little ones."

All the occupants of the room just looked confused, no single person being able to gather the courage to ask the Godaime just what on earth she was rambling about. The Hokage continued to pace the room lost in thought and muttering obscenities that would make even the most battle hardened of warriors blush. From the sidelines Kakashi watched on with bitter humour, any other time he would have truly relished seeing Tsunade so flustered, so out of sorts. But the fact that it was over his condition did little to sooth his frayed nerves.

Irony was a funny thing.

He turned his attention to the body on the bed. Kakashi had never really paid all that much attention to himself. Of course he'd always done what was necessary to keep himself in peak physical shape, he wasn't negligent. He'd just never really looked at himself and seeing his form for the first time draped in nothing but a hospital gown and a surgical mask was somewhat frightening.

Actually it was downright terrifying.

Kakashi had never thought of himself as frail and he'd cut the tongue out of anyone who tried to say otherwise. But in that current moment he did look frail and vulnerable, his pale skin seemed almost translucent further enhanced by the white gown. The only splash of colour, the numerous scars littering his skin in some messed up attempt at cross hatching. The Jounin didn't like this image of him one bit.

It hurt to see himself so weak.

It hurt to know that others saw him like this.

It hurt to know he made those close to him worry.

It just _hurt_.

Tsunade had finally stopped her pacing and appeared to have a plan. Her eyes gleamed with determination and she cracked her fingers dramatically.

"Shizune, Sakura I need you to go to archives and pull up every clan list from as far back as you can go. We need to know who these people are and whether there is potentially any more of them. Naruto... I need you to go home."

Naruto balked at the command "But... Can't I stay, Please Baa-Chan.?"

Blue eyes that suddenly seemed much older than they should peered up at the Hokage, guilt and regret burning brightly in the sapphire depths. The blonde felt her heart twinge with sorrow.

"No Naruto."

"But I can't be just sitting at home doing nothing. At least here I'll feel useful."

Tsunade shook her head fiercely "No Naruto I can't leave you here unsupervised."

"But what if he was supervised?"

The occupants of the room spun around at the newcomers voice, Kakashi included. He was somewhat surprised to find Umino Iruka standing in the doorway arms crossed against his chest and a solemn look on his slightly flushed face. There was a bag slung across his shoulders with bits of paper hanging out and he was panting slightly. Kakashi reasoned that he must have just heard and sprinted from wherever he had been working, ever the dutiful guardian. The silver haired man allowed himself a small smile, for although things were very different now some things still ultimately remained the same.

The Hokage just glared witheringly at the new arrival. "Umino-san."

The academy sensei bowed respectfully seemingly completely immune to the woman's most potent death glare. Kakashi chuckled; Iruka worked with Tsunade on a regular basis and so he must have built up a tolerance by now.

"Hokage-Sama."

"So who am I going to punish for this unwelcome interruption?"

Iruka laughed lightly and put on an innocent face. "I don't know what you're talking about Hokage-sama."

"Oh you know exactly what I'm talking about." Tsunade growled "Now if you'll just let me know which one of your little _friends_ told you they were back and what you had to threaten them with, I can make this as painless as possible."

Kakashi watched with fascination at seeing a side of the Chūnin he hadn't before. In the times he and Iruka had met the two of them had come to an understanding. They weren't exactly friends but they were on friendly terms at the very least, the whole debacle of the Chūnin exam nominations firmly left in the past. But the brunette had always seemed so straight laced, the idea that he would have bribed or even tortured secret information out of a fellow colleague was preposterous. Tsunade seemed to think otherwise though and it was intriguing, maybe the copy-nin has misjudged the Sensei?

"I did nothing of the sort Tsunade-Sama, you know me better than that." Was all Iruka replied, but there was a funny lilt to his voice, which spoke of deception and half truths. "I just happened to overhear team seven were back and thought I'd pop by."

This time Kakashi snorted, if the appearance of the brunette was anything to go by. Iruka did not simply 'pop on by', he must have heard that they were at the hospital and gone into full on mother hen mode. Tsunade didn't seem to buy it either and the blonde's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Well Hokage-Sama?"Iruka asked redirecting the conversation, his voice was sickly sweet but had dangerous undertones of 'something not nice will happen' mixed in with the saccharine coated words.

Tsunade's face continued to darken and she seemed to contemplate her options. She gave a long hard stare at the brunette and coming to the conclusion that the threat in his voice was genuine decided to give in.

"Fine. You can stay for a while Naruto, but then you must go home and rest. Iruka if anything happens and I mean _anything_ you are being held personally responsible. Now get out of my way, I have other things to attend to."

Kakashi just goggled as the academy sensei nodded, just about hiding his smirk from the congregation.

The busty woman marched straight out the room followed closely by Shizune and Sakura. The pink haired kunoichi turned back briefly before leaving the room and flashed a strained smile, Naruto just nodded in return before resuming his vigil at Kakashi's side. Iruka joined him on the chair which had previously been occupied by Sakura and pulled out a bunch of papers. Naruto watched his former teacher intently; it appeared that this was a practiced ritual between them just as much as ramen at Ichiraku's. Kakashi almost felt guilty for eavesdropping on the moment between the two, but he was curious to see how the two nin's reacted around one another.

After a few moments Naruto sighed deeply and closed his eyes. Iruka still remained silent, giving the young man the time and space to get his thoughts together. The brunette apparently knew when and when not to push the Kyubbi holder and appeared quite content to just sit and wait for the blonde to open up.

The two of them just sat there in comfortable silence, time dribbling by.

"It's all my fault Iruka-Sensei."

The teacher looked up from his paperwork an unreadable look on his face.

"Why do you say that Naruto?"

"He took the hit for me the stupid bloody pervert. He shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have needed to do that. God I'm pathetic."

Iruka frowned deeply and stared long and hard into his former students eyes.

"Naruto Uzumaki you are not pathetic and if I hear you say something like that again there will be trouble. It's not like you to go down the self loathing route and I don't intend for you to start. Trust me when I say it's not a good path"

Kakashi silently agreed with the brunette, he had plenty of personal experience to know that what the other sensei was saying was the truth. He suspected that it was the same for Iruka, the way the brunette had spoken told of a wealth of painful memories. The silver haired man was pleased that Naruto had someone to stop him from venturing down a potentially self destructive path.

The blonde jinchuuriki just looked at his clasped hands neither agreeing nor disagreeing with the adult. Guilt still burned brightly in the blue orbs and he refused to meet his former Sensei's eye.

"But..."

"But nothing Naruto. Listen to me when I say _it is not your fault_."

Naruto sighed "Why did he have to get in the way? Stupid idiot."

Iruka chuckled lightly "You know I asked myself the very same question once."

The blonde head shot up quickly, a look of disbelief crossing his features. "About Kakashi-Sensei?"

The brunette nodded solemnly "This is something I haven't told anyone before. But when Pein attacked the village two years ago Kakashi-san jumped in to stop Pein and saved my life. When I heard what had happened afterwards..." A wince crossed the tanned face "I felt so guilty that I believed didn't deserve to be there in place of him..."

Naruto looked stunned "He jumped in to save you from Pein? He's never mentioned it."

Iruka nodded again, a slight blush dusting his features "And nor I. But that isn't the point I'm trying to make. What I'm trying to say is that I understand how you feel and I'm here if you ever need to talk."

Kakashi listened to the conversation feeling a little guilty and out of place. He knew he shouldn't keep listening but morbid curiosity had adtten the better of him. The jounin remembered that horrific day well, he remembered jumping in to stop Pein's blade piercing the teacher, the battle that had ensued and... Dying. Kakashi shuddered violently at the memory; it was definitely not something he wished to repeat. He was shocked though at the way Iruka had felt about the whole ordeal. After all it was common place for Shinobi to die on the battlefield; death was a major part of their profession. Yet the man before him still felt guilt and compassion for his fallen comrades a luxury many Shinobi could not have if they wished to survive. But it also annoyed him for some unfathomable reason to think that Iruka thought so little of himself the he would rather Kakashi survive over himself.

If Kakashi had been able he would have smacked the Chūnin.

But he couldn't, so he contented himself with frowning invisibly at the man, whilst said man offered yet more words of comfort to his former student.

The man and not quite man eventually lapsed into a comfortable silence and the time rolled by. Before long it was nearing midnight and Iruka mentally decided it was time to turn in for the night. He shook Naruto, who had fallen asleep about an hour earlier on his shoulder, gently.

"Naruto..."

The blonde stirred blinking sleepy eyes up at the academy teacher "Mmm... 'Ruka-sen... What... time."

Iruka smiled at the completely adorable look on Naruto's face "Time you went home Naruto. It's nearing midnight."

The jinchuuriki lifted his head from its perch and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. As his brain began to wake up Naruto realised two things: One he had fallen asleep and two: he had fallen asleep on Iruka. In fact he could see the little puddle of drool on the Chūnin's shoulder. The blonde flushed red.

"I'm so sorry Iruka-sensei. You should have woken me up sooner; I didn't mean to keep you here."

The brunette just gave a tired smile "It's nothing to worry about I wanted to be here."

Kakashi had been sitting for the last few hours just watching the two and there was something that was bothering him. Iruka seemed to have his own agenda, although he was there as comfort for Naruto something in his actions told Kakashi that the Sensei was there for more than that. The odd sigh, a glazed glance across the room, it was as though he was waiting for something to happen and Kakashi couldn't figure out what. The jounin frowned he disliked being in situations he couldn't understand and Iruka's odd behaviour on top of what was already going on was going to push him over the edge. The silver haired man forced the disconcerting thoughts aside and focused on his student, who was just getting to his feet.

Naruto stretched feeling completely bone weary and exhausted. He gave one last look at his team leader's prone form and sighed before moving toward the door. He paused at the entry and turned back to his former teacher.

"Aren't you coming Iruka-Sensei?"

Iruka gave a warm smile "I'll be along in a minute Naruto. I've just got to finish clearing up my paperwork. You should get going."

The blonde shrugged and left the room, the door closing behind him with an audible click.

The change was almost instantaneous.

As soon as Naruto's chakra signature had disappeared Iruka seemed to crumple inwards, a wave of sadness radiating off him with the intensity of a tidal wave. Kakashi shuddered as it washed over him, chilling him to the bone and causing his insides to curdle. The silver haired man watched as the previously unflappable brunette gave a deep sigh and ran a slightly shaking hand through his bound hair.

For the second time that night Kakashi goggled.

Just what was going on? Where had the eternally cheerful, optimistic Iruka gone? Why was there this imposter in his place? And then it hit him with a force like a ton of bricks, this _was_ the real Iruka; this was the side he didn't allow the others to see. Much like he hid behind his mask and his porn Iruka hid behind smiles and kind words, much more subtle but oh so effective. Yet to see then man so unhappy made something twist in the Jounin's gut, he preferred the shouty, bossy and happy teacher to the sad form filled with melancholy before him.

"Oh Kakashi-san..." The brunette sighed.

The copy-nin started, could Iruka see him? He moved in front of the man but the sensei just looked straight through him, the answer to that question being a resounding no. Kakashi watched as the man finished collecting his things and then hovered at the head of the bed, clutching the bag to him as though it were a life line.

"Why do you always manage to get yourself into these messes?"

Iruka reached down toward Kakashi's face and the jounin felt a wave of fury wash through him. That little sneak, taking advantage of the situation to get a look at his face. He was shocked however when the tanned hand did not go to his mask but rather lingered over his forehead. Kakashi watched as the other man gently brushed away strands of silvery hair almost lovingly, the thought would have been laughable if it weren't for what Iruka did next. The brunette leaned forward and whispered softly into his ear.

"There are more people than you know that care for you, so please come back to us."

Iruka lent further forward and placed the most gentle, tender kiss on his forehead.

As the man's lips connected with skin the jounin felt immense pain twist through his body seemingly pulling at every fibre of his being. He vaguely saw the body on the bed twist as tough it was sharing the agony and the wide worried eyes of Iruka as he screamed for help.

Iruka's frantic, terrified voice was the last thing he heard before the world went black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again pointing out this is a re-upload of one of my fics over on FF.Net. Just posting here because trying to consolidate my fics.
> 
> Regardless, thank you so much to everyone who has commented and left Kudos, you are all officially the awesome!!! You make an old girl feel happy :)

Chapter Three:

When Kakashi came to his head was pounding furiously. Clutching it groggily he cursed just about everything, especially one brunette teacher who had just decided to complicate matters. Just  _ what in Kami’s name _ had Iruka been thinking? The Jounin's musings were short lived however as he took in the scene around him.

The room was utter  _ mayhem _ .

There was a flurry of activity as medics flocked to and fro, carrying various syringes and a host of medic apparatus that Kakashi couldn't even begin to fathom out and nor did he want to. All the silver haired man knew was that he didn't like the look of any of them. The congregation was moving with a speed that Gai would envy, quickly and concisely working to calm or sedate the violently convulsing body on the bed. So far it had taken three rather burly male nurses and a night porter to hold Kakashi, well his body, down long enough to slap on some restraints.

"I need that sedative now!" One of the senior medics cried across the room as he splayed his full weight across the Jounin. It appeared the restraints were rapidly weakening under the sheer strength and stress Kakashi was putting them through. If the silver haired man had not been an observer at this point, he would have been impressed with the show of unconscious power. But as it was...

Beside him a frightened looking intern fumbled with the syringe containing the sedative, her eyes wide and fearful as she watched the thrashing man struggle against his bonds.

"HURRY THE HELL UP!" The senior hissed trough clenched teeth as a particularly wild and violent buck from the copy-nin caught him between the legs.

Kakashi winced in sympathy, not envying the guy one bit.

The hissed request and muffled expletive seemed to snap the intern out of her fear induced daze and she plunged the syringe deep into flesh, quickly pushing down the plunger. Almost immediately the pale body went limp. The medics breathed a sigh of relief.

For all of three seconds.

Almost every possible warning alarm went off, as for the second time that evening the whole world went to hell.

"Shit! He's stopped breathing!"

"His heart rate and blood pressure is dropping."

"He's flat lined!"

"SOMEONE GET ME A CRASH CART THIS GODDANMNED SECOND!"

The Jounin watched on with helpless horror as the medics attempted to resuscitate his lifeless form. There was a barely contained frantic panic emanating from every member of the room as they worked, some trying desperately to force oxygen into the unresponsive lungs, the others tirelessly working to restore his failing heart by shocking it back into life.

For the first time since this whole ordeal started Kakashi truly believed he was about to die and it nauseated him to his very core. He suddenly felt very weak and it took all he had to remain standing, watching the whole horrifying event unfold before his eyes.

After three painful minutes the cardiograph bleeped with the signs of life, a small nanosecond of relief passed through the medics but it was short lived. They still had work to do as the silver haired mans lungs were still not responding.

"The mask isn't working, we're going to have to intubate." The senior said solemnly.

The congregation sprung once again into life grabbing quickly the necessary tools for the procedure. Time was still of the essence, they had to get the copy-nin breathing and quickly The senior prised open the now bared mouth and attempted to force what looked like a curved blade down the Jounin's throat. The medic frowned deeply as he attempted to force the blade down further but to no avail.

"Damnit! His whole throat closed over and I can't get the laryngoscope down. We're gonna have to go a different route. Someone get me a scalpel and quickly." The hurried panic in the man's voice did not go unnoticed by his subordinates. They all rushed quickly to prepare for the emergency procedure.

The senior held his hand steady as he made the incision into Kakashi's throat. Rivulets of blood ran their way down the ghostly pale skin, staining it with contrast. The breathing tube was swiftly inserted in a less than gentle fashion and the silver haired man winced, suddenly feeling extremely grateful that his physical body was not awake.

It was one thing to know that procedures like this existed.

It was  _ quite another _ to actually see one being performed upon your person.

The moments trickled by agonizingly slowly and the medics held their collective breaths as they waited for the man to stabilize. The heart rate began to even out into a slow steady beat, his breathing being supported by the unsightly tube protruding from Kakashi's throat. As they passed the ten minutes mark every medic present breathed a sigh of relief. The senior medic wiped his sweaty brow with a hand, a slight shake coursing through his body. He turned to his colleagues a relived smile breeching his features.

"Good work everyone he's stable for now. But I want everyone to stay put until Lady Hokage gets here and examines him. "

There were a few grumbles but every medic present nodded an affirmative, the senior continued.

"We don't know what will happen between now and then so I want everyone to be ready for anything. In the mean time someone go and get a fresh surgical mask. I don't think Hatake-san would be pleased to know we're undoing all his hard work at being mysterious."

A nervous laugh ran through the room, but the atmosphere lightened considerably. Kakashi watched on; his head still reeling from the complete mind screw he had just experienced. That had been without doubt one of the most surreal and terrifying experiences of his life. But he felt respect bloom on his chest for the medics; they had worked so hard to save him. He swore after this whole ordeal was over he would never ever complain about being in hospital or give the medics a hard time  _ ever _ again. He owed them that much at least.

Fortunately the exhausted medics were not waiting long, it appeared that whilst the Jounin had been unconscious the team had sent a courier to inform the Hokage of the situation and request her presence. To say that the most powerful woman in the fire country hadn't been impressed at the interruption to her beauty sleep was the understatement of the century. You could sense the angry spikes of chakra fifty meters away.

However there was no dramatic door being flung open and possibly off its hinges as the woman was known to do on occasion. It opened with a barely audible 'click', to reveal a woman known for her fearsome temper displaying a frightening amount of control. The only indication of the woman's agitated state being the angry spikes of chakra she was throwing off. The small smile slipped from the face of every present medic.

"Report."

The intern who had fumbled with sedative looked understandably nervous and shifted from foot to foot. After a brief moment the senior stood forward and tried not to look intimidated as he gave his report.

"At 23.50pm the alarm was raised. When we entered the room we found the patient having some form of uncontrollable seizure of unknown origin. We administered a sedative which seemed to have an adverse effect of the patient causing both cardio and repertory failure. We managed to stabilize the patient via the use of defibrillator and improvised intubation..."

"That's enough..." Tsunade's face was stern and bore no hint of emotion "Who raised the alarm?"

The medics looked at one another as if deciding who should answer their leader's question. The intern stepped forward and was about to reply when she was saved the trouble as another voice broke in.

"I did." The voice was so soft it was almost a whisper.

The small congregation parted and turned to the corner from where the voice had come from. There sat Iruka, his head bowed in his hands shielding his face from Tsunade's fierce gaze. Kakashi started, he hadn't expected the sensei to still be there. To be honest he'd expected the man to flee as soon as he saw the courier leave to fetch the Hokage. But yet here he was, curious.

Tsunade frowned deeply "You can all leave now; I need to speak to Umino-san alone. Thank you for your hard work."

The staff didn't need to be told twice and they fairly fled the room, leaving the Hokage alone with the academy teacher. The blonde stood still for a moment and took a deep breath, seemingly composing herself.

"What happened Iruka?" The voice was surprisingly calm.

"I don't know." Again the reply was barely a whisper, hollow and defeated.

Tsunade was apparently not buying the academy sensei's explanation for a second and she folded her arms across her chest in annoyance, the calm demeanour slipping ever so slightly.

"That wasn't a request Umino. It was an order what the hell happened?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

For the first time since the Hokage had entered the room Iruka looked up and met the woman's gaze. The teachers face was contorted into a truly heart wrenching look of sorrow, his usually bright brown eyes dulled, haunted, full of pain, fear and something else Kakashi couldn't quite put his finger on. If ever the term mask of despair had been apt now was it and it made something twist painfully in the silver haired mans gut.

"Iruka I need to know what happened." Some of the anger had left Tsunade's voice "I know you Kakashi have a rocky history..."

The previously dulled brown eyes flared back into life, sparkling with disbelief and a malice that made the Jounin shudder.

"You think I did this intentionally?" He hissed through clenched teeth, anger seething through every word spoken.

The Hokage didn't rely but levelled Iruka with an even gaze. Kakashi was curious to see just how the sensei was going to get himself out of this predicament. If the brunette told the truth there were bound to be a lot of awkward questions to answer and the copy-nin was willing to bet on every Icha Icha he owned that Iruka didn't want to answer them. If the teacher didn't tell the truth then he could possibly end up in a much, much worse situation, especially if Tsunade saw through his deception. It was a delicate situation, one requiring tact and finesse: skills Kakashi knew Iruka to possess. But if the look on the teachers face was anything to go by, he was about to crash through it like a bull in a china shop. The man's infamous fiery temper emerging in response to the man's wounded pride and principles. Tact and finesse be  _ damned _ .

"You think I did this intentionally! You think that I purposefully sought out to hurt a comrade, sought out to hurt someone that.... Naruto cares about."

"I don't know Iruka, you tell me? After all your ability to hold a grudge is quite legendary."

"That was when I was a child Hokage-Sama" He raged, fury dripping off every word he spoke.

Tsunade just raised a tawny brow in reply.

Iruka's chakra was coming off him in waves, red hot like lava with the force of his anger and it was suffocating in its intensity.

"I resent being implicated for something based on my misdemeanours as a youth. I am not the same person and I would like to believe people realised that."

The blonde just stood there unmoving.

"At the moment I'm not inclined to believe anything you say Umino. I have one of my best Shinobi currently fighting for his life and the only one who may have the answers is a person known for his intense dislike of that Shinobi. A man who openly and publicly denounced said Shinobi in front of a gathering of his peers."

The brunette growled again and from his perch by the window Kakashi sighed. The chunnin nominations, everything came back to that stupid little spat. If both men involved in the dispute... debate... Whatever they wanted to call it could move past it why the rest of the populace couldn't was beyond him. Both him and Iruka firmly believed in putting things like that in the past, it did no one any good to hold silly grudges over things that could easily be resolved and forgotten.

"That was five years ago Hokage-sama."

"That may be, but my point is still the truth... I wonder what your parents would say knowing you were deliberately disobeying your Hokage."

The dark eyes went wide with shock and then narrowed with an intense fury that even had Kakashi shuddering. The Jounin truly deplored the tactics Tsunade was using, Iruka was one of her  _ Nin _ not some enemy. He didn't deserve to be toyed with so cruelly even if this situation was partially his fault. Kakashi knew that Iruka's parents were a distinct sore spot with the man, just as Obito was with himself. For Tsunade to use their memory against the brunette in an attempt to get information was just wrong.

"How  _ DARE _ you." The malice was no longer hidden and it bubbled fiercely beneath the words.

Again a tawny brow arched in question. "How dare I what Iruka?"

"How dare you mention them. You have absolutely  _ NO RIGHT _ to mention them."

A cruel smirk twisted the blondes' features. "Ah no that is where you are wrong Iruka, as you well know I have every right to mention them. I was after all their Jounin-sensei."

It was Kakashi's turn to look shocked. He hadn't even been aware that Tsunade had taken on a genin team, the fact that Iruka's parents had been her pupils even more shocking to the Jounin. He'd never thought the woman would have had the patience to deal with hyper active teenagers, but then again the copy-nin had thought the same about himself at the formation of team seven. The silver haired man shook the depressing thoughts of his former team from his mind and focused his attention back on the academy teacher. Tsunade's proclamation was apparently old news to Iruka as he hadn't moved an inch. The sheer fury was still radiating off him with a suffocating intensity, mixing with his chakra to cover the whole room. His face was contorted in a snarl and the dark eyes flashed with murderous intent.

"You twisted old hag!" He hissed through gritted teeth.

"Now, now Umino. Remember just who you are talking to." Anger flared behind the amber eyes.

Iruka carried on unimpeded by his Hokage's warning, his rage completely obliterating his rational thinking and tainting his vision in a cloud of red.

"You harpy! You sadistic, evil, loathsome creature! You gave up every right you had to mention them when you fled Konoha like a coward. You gave up every right when you abandoned them in their hour of need and left them to die at the Kyubbi's hand!"

Tsunade's eyes went wide at the enraged statement and then narrowed in the coldest, most frightening glare Kakashi had ever seen. He had never seen his Hokage look so angry or hurt. Iruka sensing he had touched a nerve went still, a look of sheer disbelief crossing his face at the words he had spoken in his anger.

"H-Hokage-sama... I..."

"Get out..." Tsunade's voice was deadly still and quiet.

"But Hokage-sama...I..." Iruka ignored the order and tried to explain.

"GET OUT!"

"I... I didn't mea..."

"I SAID GET OUT UMINO!"

It all happened in a flash.

Iruka was still standing there helplessly trying to explain his actions and the next second he was dangling in the air Tsunade's hand clutching at the material around his throat. Kakashi had seen a lot of murderous looks in his life time, it came with the profession. But he didn't think he'd seen one quite so focused as the one he saw crossing Tsunade's face at that moment. In that instant the silver haired man  _ genuinely _ feared for the teacher's life. A tense second passed between the two amber eyes meeting brown and as suddenly as the incident had occurred it ended. The Hokage seemed to regain her senses and roughly dropped Iruka to the floor, the brunette looked up slightly shaken.

"Get out Umino before I do something I regret. You are not to come within one hundred feet of this hospital unless you are on deaths door."

For a fraction of a second Kakashi thought the stubborn teacher was going to argue but was relieved when the man simply stood and fairly fled the room. The Jounin gave a deep sigh, how had things gotten so messed up? Truly the answer was beyond him for the time being, but he had a good idea where to start looking. After all what kind of shinobi would he be if he didn't take advantage of a prime recon opportunity. Not even looking back at his unconscious body or Hokage Kakashi left the room in search of Iruka.

The man hadn't been all that hard to find.

Iruka's disturbed emotional state meant that the brunette was leaking chakra everywhere, leaving an obvious trail for anyone who was cared to look and even for those who didn't. For some reason that worried Kakashi immensely and he upped his pace. He felt the chakra get stronger as he entered a familiar clearing, a very familiar clearing.

It made sense that Iruka would come here after what had just happened.

Before him the memorial stone loomed ominously, a blackened reminder of those gone before and a warning to those who still remained. Kakashi had spent many an hour here lost in his twisted memories, the cries of his fallen team mates hovering around him like a shroud. But that was not his reason for being here today, today his reason sat with his back resting against the granite his head bowed on his knees. The heavens seemed to reflect the man's mood as a torrential downpour whipped through the clearing, instantly soaking its sole occupant.

Kakashi approached with caution. Just because he couldn't be sensed didn't mean that he wasn't intruding. He watched in silence as the rain battered the man sitting unprotected from the elements, his brown hair falling limply from his ponytail framing the tanned face lined with sorrow. The teacher seemed unaware of his dishevelled state and looked forlornly across the field, sighing he wrung his hands together and leaned his head back against the cold stone.

For a few moments nothing happened and then Iruka spoke, and the words nearly broke the copy-nin's heart.

"Why does everything I touch crumble to dust?"

Chapter Three End.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And chapter four is here. PLEASE HEAD WARNING TAGS it starts to get a bit darker from here on in. There are mentions of SIH and depression so warning you upfront.

Otherside:

A/N: *Dodges sharp pointy objects* I'm sorry, I'M SORRY! I didn't mean to pick on Iruka so much, it just kinda happened! Forgive me! *Bows* I know I'm evil and I'm sorry!

Anywho... I really seem to be churning this out don't I? *Grins* Thank you once again to everyone who has supported this fic, you are all officially 'the awesome'.

Disclaimer/Warnings: Little bit dark this one. Mentions of SIH

Chapter Four:

Kakashi loved this time of the morning.

The pre-dawn glow settled over the village like a protective shroud, lovingly warming the sleeping village like a mother cradling a child. Thin tendrils of light skipped through the streets banishing the shadows, seeming almost alive as they chased away the nightmares the darkness had wrought as it crept in the windows and roused the slumbering populace. From his perch on the Hokage monument Kakashi watched the village slowly come to life, watching in wonderment and envy.

After all he had yet to wake from his nightmare.

It had been a few days since his body had been brought back to Konoha and no one appeared any closer to finding a solution to his problem. He surmised that this was mainly because the ninety nine point nine percent of people weren't even aware there was a problem, Kakashi being the odd point nought one percent. The jounin frowned, what he really wanted to do right at this moment was throw a massive temper tantrum at the complete unfairness of this whole situation, because he was completely helpless to do anything about it and because no one seemed to have any idea what to do. But he was a grown man and grown men did not throw temper tantrums.

So instead he had climbed to his favourite reading spot and tried to calm himself. He had dared not spend another minute in the hospital; it was far too depressing and was playing havoc with his already precariously balanced sanity. That and the fact Tsunade's mood had been far from pleasant and his unconscious body seemed to be the outlet for her wrath. If... when he woke up from this nightmare he was going to be having some serious words with his Hokage about her bedside manner.

Somewhere below Kakashi a bell began to chime reigning in his thoughts and bringing them nicely back to his other problem, besides Tsunade's appalling patient care.

Iruka.

To be honest, Kakashi was worried about the other man. He had seen the breakdown after his clash with Tsunade, he had followed the other man back to his home afraid that he was about to do something stupid. Hell he had even spent the entire night watching to make sure the brunette  _ hadn't _ done anything stupid. Not that Kakashi could have really done anything in this state, but the fact that he had gone with the man gave him some solace. After all, he didn't think Naruto could take another blow at this time and to lose Iruka would crush the Kyuubi container completely.

So he'd stayed and watched the entire night even though his head had pounded and his Sharingan had ached. He'd watched the completely exhausted brunette just flop on to his bed not bothering to strip off his wet clothing or shoes, shivering from the cold. The display had caused the jounin to frown deeply, the morbid irony not missing him. Iruka was normally the first to complain about people not looking after themselves, Kakashi had had a few tongue lashing himself over the years after showing up to report one too many times caked in blood, gore and entrails, rather than going to the hospital and getting checked out.

No, the irony of the situation really wasn't funny.

Kakashi stayed until the alarm went off, lost deep in thought. His mind furiously trying to comprehend what had gone on that evening. The whole seizure thing and the fight between Iruka and Tsunade were quickly thrown in the mental bin labelled 'Mind Screws', they were easily categorized due to the nature of the incidents. However one little, insignificant thing kept coming to the forefront of his mind.

Iruka had kissed him.

Okay maybe not so small and insignificant, actually it was bigger and mind blowing and the silver haired man just couldn't wrap his head around it. Why on earth had Iruka done that? Clearly Kakashi had missed something major in his interactions with the teacher, but the more he thought about it the more he noticed a distinct lack of evidence to support what he thought. Before that night the teacher hadn't shown any kind of interest in him.  ** _Or_ ** his mind interjected  ** _He's just very good at hiding it._ ** That thought gave birth to a whole host of other questions. Why would Iruka hide his attraction, if it was attraction, to him? Did he think that lowly of Kakashi that he thought that he would make fun of him for it? It just didn't make any sense.

This was the point where the alarm had gone off and interrupted his line of thought. Iruka roused groggily a shudder wracking his body, bloodshot brown eyes glaring balefully at the alarm clock. Slowly the brunette rose from the bed which was now soaked due to the damp clothing and gave a deep sigh, before stretching and heading to the bathroom. Kakashi heard the shower water hit tile and gave a small sigh of his own, the man appeared to be functioning maybe it was time he left. But some small niggle in the back of his mind wouldn't let him, something was telling him to stay that something was not right.

For a few minutes nothing happened, only the slap of wet skin on ceramic echoed through the silent apartment. The shower eventually ceased and the muttered sounds of aimless self chatter replaced the echo of falling water. Kakashi was about to give it all up and leave when the bedroom door opened and in stepped Iruka, towel wrapped tightly around his waist and a mug of coffee in hand. He moved to the bed and sat down on the wet sheets, taking a deep mouthful of the bitter beverage.

Kakashi just stared, feeling embarrassment flow through him. He knew he should have left when he had the chance. The jounin moved toward the door and it was then he noticed the other man's arms.

Kakashi stopped and openly gaped.

Both tanned appendages were covered in pale thin scars. All of them were old, but their age did nothing to hide their stark contrast with the honey coloured skin. The jounin couldn't take his eyes off the surprisingly slender arms and the obviously self-inflicted marks that blemished them. His mind reeled as to why Iruka had felt the need to do something like that at any point in his life and was abruptly brought to a halt as he realised how hypocritical that sounded.

Of course Iruka had been through bad times, he was a ninja, and tragedy came with it hand in hand. Kakashi knew a little about the other man's past thanks to Naruto and knew that the brunette had lost his parents at a young age, not only that he'd been betrayed on more than one occasion by someone who claimed to be his best friend. Kakashi shuddered at the thought, if it took so long for the other man's deception and cruelty to be found out, just how much potential abuse had the brunette been through whilst in contact with him?

The thought of someone hurting the kindly but volatile teacher made the copy-nin want to gag, and promptly Chidori something out of existence.

Deciding he had definitely overstayed his welcome Kakashi had promptly exited and headed back toward the hospital and upon seeing Tsunade's rough handling of his person had fled, knowing that it was going to haunt his nightmares for weeks.

That had been three days ago and since then Kakashi had done nothing but follow the other sensei. He was disturbed that no one had picked up on the brunette's mental state a long time before now but after watching for nearly three days he understood why.

There were no signs.

Not a single one.

Iruka slipped into his 'friendly-sensei' persona with flawless ease born of years of practice. If Kakashi hadn't known different he wouldn't have suspected for a second that there was anything wrong with the other man. Iruka went about his normal business, helping those around him with a smile on his face and a joke on his lips. Teaching his students both shinobi and civilian alike with enthusiasm and a gentle but iron fist. Kakashi waited and watched for that tiny crack that would alert people to Iruka's distress, but it didn't come.

The man should have been an actor, with performances like that he would sell out any theatre.

The only time the mask slipped was when he was at home alone. Iruka would come in, throw his bag filled with graded papers in the corner (Iruka didn't grade at home apparently) and just collapse on the couch. Then he would just lie there staring into nothing for hours on end, arms wrapped tightly around his torso. After a few hours he would drag himself up and go to bed and then the whole process would start again.

It was soul destroying to watch.

If Kakashi had been a weaker man he would have turned and fled from the man's plight a long time prior. But his nindo and hell even his pride as Naruto's sensei refused to let him leave and take the cowardly way out. The jounin was struck by an old saying that seemed uniquely fitting for the situation ' _ Those who are first to answer a cry for help are usually those whose cries go unanswered.'  _ Iruka needed help and Kakashi was going to do everything he could to see that the brunette got it.

However tonight as Iruka entered his small apartment his mask did not automatically fall and that set the Jounin on edge. He watched as the teacher went to his room and by the slamming of draws and wardrobe doors, assumed the man was getting changed. Kakashi's theory was proved as the brunette re-entered the living area now clad in civilian clothes. They were nothing fancy just a simple pair of dark jeans and a loose long sleeved white shirt, but the difference they had was startling. They made Iruka seem even more approachable and normal, if that was even possible. They just fit the teacher perfectly the simple design highlighting the slim teachers form. Kakashi found himself chuckling; it appeared shinobi uniforms really did add thirty pounds. He never would have guessed that the other man was so skinny, although comfortable and versatile the shinobi blacks weren't flattering in the least.

Iruka moved to the kitchen tied on an apron and began pulling out pots, knives and a host of vegetables and meat. Kakashi watched entranced as the brunette began to chop and peel, slice and dice all the ingredients before lumping them into the biggest cooking pot the jounin had ever seen. Seemingly content with his work Iruka filled the pot full of ingredients up with water, added some weird brown granules and put it on the boil. The copy-nin raised an eyebrow in wonder, just who was Iruka planning on feeding? His recent experience with the man suggested that the brunette really didn't eat all that much and even if he was expecting company he'd clearly made enough to feed a small army.

His musings were stopped as a knock on the door echoed through the small apartment. Iruka gave a small sigh and looked at the clock on his wall. Kakashi swore he heard the other man mutter something about being 'early again' but the smile on the teachers face belied the annoyance as he opened the wooden door.

"IRUKA-NII!"

If Kakashi hadn't been a ninja and a jounin ninja for that matter, he probably would have jumped at the mass that mobbed the brunette. Iruka laughed as he was pulled to the floor by a massive dog pile hug, instigated by from what Kakashi could tell was a group of children. Although it was hard to really tell, the things that had just entered were covered from head to toe in dirt and ragged clothing. They looked more like a group of trash monsters.

"Okay guys you're going to have to let me up sometime." Iruka's muffled voice came from the bottom of the pile.

The 'monsters' awed and clambered off the teacher and he swung himself up with practiced ease, born of a thousand Naruto tackles. Standing he gave a brief glance at the door and smiled.

"You can stop hiding Naruto. You know you're always welcome."

The doorway remained empty for a few seconds and then the blonde swung into view; he had a slightly nervous look on his face.

"How can you always catch me Iruka-sensei? I mean I'm cloaked and everything."

Iruka just laughed "We've had this conversation a thousand times Naruto. A teacher just knows. Now get in here before you let all the heat out, the mites are freezing as it is."

Naruto hastily complied and was dragged into his own dog pile as soon as he set foot within the apartment. The squawks of protest from Naruto and the little ones exclamations music to the copy-nins ears. Kakashi watched in amusement as the children fought over seats and cushions, the small rabble a whirlwind through the clean and tidy abode. Overall there were about eight children three girls and five boys and judging from their size they appeared to between four and six years old. The jounin looked on in wonderment as he watched Iruka interact with the 'mites', the children clearly idolised the man love and devotion shining brightly in their eyes. Iruka smiled back the warmth reflected back in the brown depths genuine.

For a moment Kakashi felt jealous and then quickly shook the fleeting emotion aside.

The children continued to play fight and generally cause havoc, Naruto joining in at points in an attempt to prank the teacher. The brunette laughed at the failed attempts before reprimanding the children softly at first and with more gusto with each attempt. Finally he put his foot down and threatened to throw away dinner.

Now that got their attention. Eight tiny faces looked up in horror and distress, immediately quietening down to a tolerable level. However they were not beat yet and turned up the 'kicked puppy' look focusing it fully on the brunette. Kakashi winced in sympathy, there was only so much of that look you could take and not go insane and here Iruka had it multiplied by eight. Behind the gaggle Naruto smirked slyly and the jounin felt his heart lighten considerably.

"But Iruka-Nii..." Eight lower lips quibbled.

Iruka laughed loudly "You honestly think that look will work on me? Or have you forgotten who taught it to you."

The children's faces fell, causing Iruka to laugh harder nearly falling over with his mirth. Eventually he composed himself enough to utter a command.

"Come on you lot let's set the table. We're having stew"

The cheer that rose from the group drowned out the snort of laughter from both Naruto and Iruka, and the hoard dived into the kitchen each of them pulling out a bowl and a spoon. They clambered around the large cooking pot, their eyes lighting up at the aroma wafting under their noses. The brunette squeezed in through the throng brandishing a ladle and completely looking the part of doting housewife. Kakashi snorted at that particular mental image but the whole domesticity of the scene made him smile. Iruka slowly scooped up each bowl and slopped a large amount of the thick stew into it. The child in question then grabbed it back greedily and raced to whatever perch they had been sat on before proceeding to devour the food like a hungry animal.

The children came up for seconds and thirds making the copy-nin laugh and remember an old saying about feeding strays. He wondered idly just how and why the kids were here but in the end he dismissed it, after all this was the most genuinely happy Kakashi had seen the teacher and who was he to ruin it by over analysing things? After about an hour of stuffing themselves silly the children sat happy and full in Iruka's living area, a few of the smaller ones began to yawn widely and snuggled into the brunette who had perched himself in the centre of the couch. Iruka smiled and ran a hand through the masses of wild hair.

"I think it's time for bed."

The slightly older children nodded in compliance, rising swiftly to their feet. They walked over to one of the storage cupboards and began pulling out sleeping bags, whilst Naruto moved the furniture to create more space. The uniformity of the whole process spoke of practice and Kakashi once again began to question what he knew about the teacher. Just who was this man that would willingly give up his home and food to vagabonds, cute vagabonds but vagabonds all the same?

In no time at all the eight little urchins were settled in their sleeping bags, gently snoring oblivious to the two elders in the room. Both Naruto and Iruka sat on the couch, curled up on separate ends a mug of tea resting in one hand.

"They look so innocent when they're asleep." Naruto mused, taking a sip from his garish orange mug.

Iruka chuckled softly "Everyone looks innocent when they're asleep. I'm sure I still have that photo of you sucking your thumb when you were four floating around somewhere."

The blonde nearly spat out his tea "Gah... I thought you said you'd burned it."

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't" The mischief in Iruka's face was unmistakable and he smirked as he took a sip of his own beverage.

"Iruka-Sensei..." Naruto whined.

The brunette just sniggered quietly "Don't worry Naruto; I'm saving it for when you become Hokage. Imagine that as an inauguration photo."

The blonde went completely red "I hate you sometimes." He sulked.

Iruka seemed completely unfazed by the remark and just looked serenely at the little ones crowding his floor; he gave a deep sigh and shook his head sadly. Naruto seemed to instinctively know what was going through the other man's head and gave a small nod, draining the rest of his cup.

"There are more of them every year."

"I know." Was all the brunette replied.

"You can't protect them all."

"I know. But it doesn't stop me trying, no one else is willing to care about them. They just see them as nuisances who won't stay where they're told, most people don't know what it's like to live in that god forsaken place."

Naruto nodded in agreement, "But you're going to wear yourself to thin and then where would we be without our Iruka-Nii?"

Iruka sighed "I'm fine Naruto, you should worry about yourself more."

The jinchuuriki snorted "That, coming from you. Mr I'm gonna throw myself in harm's way."

The brunette mocked glared at the young man and flipped an obscene gesture toward the blonde. Naruto clutched his heart in mock shock dramatically dying as he quietly exclaimed.

"And the halo finally slips, he is no saint! The world is going to end."

Iruka growled playfully and launched himself at the blonde, hands outstretched ready to attack. Naruto's eyes went wide as he realised just a second too late what was coming, he attempted to squirm away from the other man but it was all in vain Iruka had him pinned and was proceeding to tickle the life out of him.

"I.. Ru... S-stop it... you'll w-wake the little o-ones." He gasped in-between quiet chuckles.

The brunette paid him no heed and continued, a look of manic mischief etched across the tanned features. Kakashi watched on with amusement, the two of them really were like brothers and it was good that they had one another. The jounin dared not think what Naruto would have been like without Iruka's guidance, it was definitely not a thought worth thinking about. After a few minutes of play fighting the two stopped to catch their breath, panting heavily with huge smiles on their faces. The happy mood didn't last long and melancholy settled over the two individuals.

"So how are things at the hospital?" Iruka asked softly, not meeting Naruto's questioning gaze.

"No change, although baa-Chan has been in an awfully bad mood the last few days."

Iruka nodded silently a brief flicker of relief crossing his features at the fact that Tsunade hadn't blabbed their argument to the jinchuuriki. Kakashi could understand that, Naruto was currently under enough stress. Knowing that two of his precious people had just had a major falling out would do little to help the blonde’s peace of mind.

"I just don't get how this happened. It's all so messed up."

"Life usually is Naruto, but you have to make sure that you don't let it mess you up. Trust me."

Naruto gave a small snort of disbelief "Says the least messed up person I know."

Iruka didn't reply but simply stared off into nothing, a pained look crossing his face. Naruto stood and stretched, popping his joints in the process. He looked at his former teacher with concern, the far off look something he was unused to seeing on the older man's face.

"Iruka..."

The brunette snapped out of his daze and quickly plastered a fake smile on his face. "Hm... yes Naruto?"

"I'm gonna head off. Are you sure you're okay?"

Iruka nodded, fake smile still firmly affixed in place. "Yes I'm fine. No get going you need your sleep."

Naruto stared for a moment as if seeing something for the first time in his former sensei, but then shrugged it off disbelievingly. He bade the other man goodnight and swiftly left, leaving Iruka alone on the couch. Kakashi watched as the teacher readjusted himself and lay down on the couch, his eyes swimming with a myriad of emotions before being tightly shut. The mask had once again come away revealing the wounded soul underneath and Kakashi felt himself despair. He perched himself on the end of the couch and simply watched over Iruka and his charges, feeling it his duty to silently protect them from the terrors night brings.

~End Chapter Four~


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow thanks guys, you have all been amazing. Thanks so much for all the love :)

Otherside:

Chapter Five:

Another week or so trawled by with a speed that would even make a sloth jealous and Konoha moved onwards. After the initial shock of Kakashi's condition had worn off, the random hysteria surrounding the quiet hospital room had dissipated almost immediately. There was just nothing intriguing about an unconscious man, even if said man was one of the most powerful Jounin in the whole of the village. The only people who still visited were Naruto and Sakura, their steadfast loyalty to their team leader never wavering.

They approached the hospital with their usual falsified cheer, a facade that had been carefully crafted over the last fortnight as they visited the older man. The hospital staff simply nodded as they passed through the dank corridors. Which seemed to get even danker with ever visit, the suffocating feeling of despair seeping through the narrowing walls. The blonde and pink huddled together in an attempt to ward off the tightening in their chests with the solace of the others presence.

They approached the door to the room that had pretty much been a second home with nervous trepidation; it was closed shut and locked. The two looked at each other worry evident in both green and blue eyes, something was going on and both of them silently acknowledged that the other knew it. Without a spoken word the two young Nin suppressed their chakra and moved toward the door, body coiled and at the ready should they need to pounce. They took their positions on either side of the door and waited for the opportune moment.

"You wanted to see me privately Kimura-san?"

The two ninja's outside the door relaxed immediately recognising the voice.

"Yes Hokage-Sama, I did."

Sakura recognised the other voice as one of the senior medics, the one who had in fact revived Kakashi that first evening. She let a small relieved smile grace her features, at least they weren't an enemy trying to kill their teacher.

"So spit it out man, I'm a busy woman."

Naruto chuckled quietly at the impatient tone in the older blondes voice, Tsunade really did sound like she didn't want to be there.

_ 'Probably has a poker game on.'  _ The jinchuuriki mused shaking his head at the somewhat predictable antics of their Hokage.

The man seemed to take a deep breath seeming to steel himself for the Hokage's reaction. Although they couldn't see the conversation, both Naruto and Sakura had witnessed far too many like it to not know the scene unfolding behind the locked door. They gave each other a small imperceptible nod, the signal to keep your chakra low and keep listening.

"I... How much longer were you going to keep this up?"

That caught both teen's attention and a look of confusion spread over their youthful faces.

"I don't understand what you mean Kimura." Tsunade's voice was flinty and cold, the click of her heels echoing as she paced the room.

"I think you do Tsunade-sama and that is why you have been personally attending to this case."

A low growl emanated through the room, a sure sign of Tsunade's monstrous temper rearing its ugly head. The observers felt a slight flinch in the other man's chakra but it quickly smoothed out and he continued to talk.

"Did you really think that the other medics would not find out about his condition? We're medic  _ ninja after _ all, stealth and information gathering is in our skill repertoire."

There was a moment of silence and it hung heavy in the air, the angry chakra that had been flickering around Tsunade vanished in its wake a cold sadness swirled around the woman, Naruto and Sakura shuddered. They had only felt that chakra once before, it was the chakra of defeated woman.

"Who else knows?" She asked quietly.

Kimura gave a slight pause "O-Only me."

"I see." The stony edge of the Hokage's voice made everyone flinch "Well that's an easy problem to solve."

Again there was a flinch in the other man's chakra "You could kill me Tsunade-sama and no one would be any the wiser... But it still would not bring him back and you would have lost a good man."

Outside the door the two teens froze at the statement, just what had been going on? What had Tsunade been keeping from the about Kakashi's condition. Fear began to bloom in both of the Jounin's students and both of them acutely aware that they probably didn't want to continue listening to this conversation, continued to listen regardless. Tsunade had stopped her pacing and the soft shuffle of sandals moving filled the air.

Kimura sighed "I'm sorry to be blunt Hokage-sama but you've seen the charts. He's on the verge of complete organ failure and we still have no idea how or what caused this. His body has gone through rapid deterioration, the only thing that hasn't changed is his mental activity it still says he's fine. It's all far too complicated to work out on such a limited time span. And... It's cruel to Kakashi-san, he'd hate to know he's being allowed to live on in such a state, wouldn't it be kinder to just put him out of his misery?"

Tsunade voice quivered as she spoke "I.. I can't"

"Why?"

"I.. I made a promise, I can't break it... I just can't. How could I.. face Sakumo knowing I let his only son die under my watch. I promised to look out for him."

"And you have Tsunade-sama, but not even you could have predicted this and how do you think Sakumo-sama would feel knowing that his son was being allowed to live in such an undignified way?"

"..." The blonde muttered something quietly under her breath

"Tsunade-sama?" The concern in the medic's voice was heartbreaking.

"I said you're right."

"I'm sorry Tsunade-Sama."

"Not as much as I am..." The defeat was palpable in her voice and in the air "We'll switch off the life support tomorrow and no one is to know until then."

"As you wish Hokage-Sama."

Outside the door two teens stood completely shell-shocked, grief flickering across both pale and tanned features. Naruto turned to his partner unshed tears glistening in the sapphire eyes, only to find the same of Sakura her emerald eyes gleaming in the hospital lighting. Denial hit the blonde square in the chest and he lost control of his chakra cloaking and he took off at a run, Sakura followed concerned for her teammate her own disbelief weighing her down as she moved.

The door to the room flew open and a wide eyed Tsunade loomed in the entrance, her amber eyes also looking decidedly moist. She spotted the two teens running down the corridor and her eyes went wide, a look of horror crossing her unusually pale face. Realising that Kakashi's students had heard everything she muttered the only thing that came to mind.

"Shit."

* * *

The mission room, Kakashi concluded was a really messed up place to work. Since he had never really been old enough when he was a Chunnin to man the desk and after that he had become an essential field agent, he had previously held a lot of disdain for the so called 'paperwork' ninja's. Over the last week or so though his views had been thoroughly changed. The 'paperwork' ninja were about as sane as an S-class missing nin and quite frankly they needed to be. If he'd had to deal with some of the people and ninja they'd had to over his stint as observer, he would be rotting in a prison for murder around about now.

Kakashi had never realised quite how much paperwork, mission request and reports actually came into the village. The silver haired man had never really been one for paperwork, his often shoddy and purposely defaced mission reports attested to that, but he did understand that it had to be done. He had the same concept when dealing with clients and the general public, he didn't want to deal with them, he just had to. And yet these ninja's did this  _ every _ day, they dealt with obnoxious Jounin's handing in crappy reports  _ every _ day. They handled often angry, upset or just downright obnoxious clients  _ every _ day and they handled a mountain of paperwork that made Kakashi's head spin.

_ Every goddamned day. _

In the light of his startling observations his disdain had melted away.

And there usually at the centre of the mission room chaos was Iruka. He was apparently the go to man when it involved anything that happened in that room and the brunette seemed to thrive in the environment. He could get the Jounin to stop torturing the younger desk workers with a pair of narrowed eyes and a scowl on his face. He could ooze charm when dealing with difficult clients and have them happily off on their way before they even remembered what they had been complaining about and Kakashi was fairly convinced the man had a Kekkai Genkai when it came to paperwork. No man should be able to sort and file that fast.

Today had been no different and Iruka had plodded through his shift with the tact, charm and if all else failed, fury, expected of him. The brunette's mask to the outside world firmly affixed in place, never wavering for an instant allowing those he considered friends to glimpse the turmoil behind it. Not for the first time Kakashi wondered how surrounded by ninja's Iruka's distress had gone unnoticed for so long. But then he had to remind himself that until this 'situation' arose he was one of the oblivious, Iruka's perfect act fooling them all. It made him feel sick to the stomach.

The sensei sighed as he leafed through a few mission reports, squinting slightly at the appalling handwriting. Beside him the two other desk workers looked at him curiously, an unknown emotion in their eyes. Kakashi recognised them from usually being thrown out of Tsunade's office for something, Izumo and Kotetsu.

"Hey Iruka are you okay?" Izumo asked, whilst Kotetsu nodded his agreement.

Brown eyes shot up in shock, a hint of worry flashed through them for a second before immediately being clamped down. Kakashi's ears pricked slightly, maybe he had been wrong about everyone being oblivious to the other man.

"I'm fine guys... I've just been a little overworked recently." He replied, not looking either man in the eye.

The two males looked at one another not appearing to be convinced. Izumo shook his head in exasperation and Kotetsu frowned running a hand through his messy hair.

"That's crap Iruka and you know it. You're always overworked, you never stop,  _ ever _ . You're wearing yourself too thin, don't think we haven't noticed." Kotetsu piped in.

Brown eyes darkened to almost black and they narrowed dangerously "I said I'm fine."

"No Ru you're not, you can try and hide it but you're not. I don't think you've seen yourself lately, you've lost weight even though you try and hide it with the baggy clothing and quite frankly you look awful. Me and Ko have only noticed because we're around you all the time."

"Seriously I sound like a broken record, I'm  _ fine _ . Just had a few rough nights of sleep that's all. Nothing major or sinister, just a minor case of lack of sleep, nothing to get your panties twisted over, now go and bug someone who could actually benefit from your ' _ help' _ ."

Kakashi frowned from his perch on the desk, why was Iruka being so difficult? He knew the man had his pride but this was ridiculous. Iruka had been caught red handed and yet he still professed that everything was fine and dandy, it annoyed Kakashi that the man was so blatantly in need of help and refused to accept it. That he didn't seem to deem himself worthy of being anything other than miserable, that he didn't deserve to be truly happy and not just happy as a facade. Kakashi wanted to shake the man so badly, Iruka was supposed to be smart but his actions made no sense. He watched as the two Chunnin nodded to one another before plastering devious smiles on their faces.

"Weelll, if you're having problems sleeping then you know what you need... ALCOHOL!" Kotetsu cheered loudly

"Guys I'm not going out with you. I remember what happened last time and I don't think Anko's quite forgiven me yet." Iruka hid a small smirk under his hand as he rolled his eyes at his friend's antics. He knew they meant well but with his emotional state as it was he couldn't risk slipping, it was dangerous and he could end up catastrophically hurt.

"But Ruuuuuuuu." Izumo whined playfully, trying to cajole his friend "It's no fun without you. Kotetsu is such a lightweight..."

"Hey!"

"...And then he tries to flirt with bar-people and gets rejected..."

"HEY!"

"... Goes off moping and I'm left all alone..."

"HEY! Izumo that's enough!"

Iruka laughed genuinely and Kakashi thought it was one of the most wonderful things he had ever heard. The man wasn't that far gone into emotion breakdown that he couldn't laugh, he silently thanked the two misfits and their wondrous take on friendship.

"Guys! Seriously knock it off" Iruka managed to squeeze out between guffaws "I can't go out tonight, I have classes in the morning... So thanks but no thanks."

Izumo sighed nodding his head, he knew when he'd been beat and this was one of those times, Kotetsu echoed the sentiment adding his own opinion to the piece.

"Fair enough you old biddy, the offer still stands though. The sake's on us and if you need to get a few things off your chest whilst getting smashed, who better to whine to?"

The brunette just smiled and nodded his eyes darkening with something Kakashi couldn't quite place right away, it looked like regret. The moment was broken as whirlwind crashed through the door, a very orange whirlwind which was closely followed by pink. Kakashi gawked at his students feeling the unease and desperation they were throwing off in waves. Iruka also went wide eyed as he saw his former student, immediately sensing something was very,  _ very _ wrong he excused himself from the missions' desk and dragged the two distraught teens into a side office. Neither Naruto or Sakura resisted causing worry and concern to assault the watching Jounin. He followed the trio into the office somehow feeling that this was something that he didn't want to hear. Iruka clicked the door shut and turned to face his former students a look of panic crossing his face, he'd never seen Naruto or Sakura this distraught.

"What happened." He asked quietly.

The two teens looked at one another the sorrow projected from their eyes almost heartbreaking. Sakura sniffed finally allowing tears to fall and began to sob, whilst Naruto just closed his eyes watery marks streaking his whiskered cheeks. The teacher moved to them quickly and gathered them in a hug without a second thought, holding onto them as they shook violently against the force of suppressed emotion. And they clung back like lost and frightened children seeking the one steady voice of reason in their mad world.

Kakashi watched in earnest a weird fluttering moving through his being, he hated to see his students and teammates so upset but was relieved that a least one person wouldn't judge them for not being Shinobi. He understood the reason they had come to Iruka, he would show them the humanity they so needed right now. But Kakashi wanted to know the why, what had brought his seemingly invincible students to their knees emotionally.

The scene continued for five or so minutes, the brunette just holding the two teens as they released emotions that had been pent up for some time. Eventually Sakura stopped sobbing and Naruto opened his bleary eyes, both pleading for reassurance from their former sensei with their expressions alone.

"What happened?" Iruka asked again softly "Is it to do with Kakashi-Sensei?"

Kakashi didn't miss the faint break in Iruka's voice as he spoke his name. The jounin watched as green eyes filled again and dropped to the floor whilst blue eyes hollowed, their usual spark of life gone. This was definitely something to do with him, but he couldn't think it to be that bad after all he was still here.

Naruto took a shuddering breath "I... We heard Baa-Chan speaking to one of the medics... They said... They said.."

"There is nothing they can do..." Sakura finished quietly, still refusing to raise her gaze "Tsunade-sama has been prolonging Kakashi-sensei's life and hiding the fact that he's been deteriorating. One of the medics found out and they've... They're going to..."

It didn't need to be said and Kakashi went numb with shock.

He was going to die.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

"When?" Was all Iruka asked, his voice nearly non-existent. He carefully avoided the youngsters gaze as his own eyes clouded with pain and moisture. Sakura buried her head in the elders vest, her hands shaking as she clutched at the green material and Naruto followed suit craving human contact.

"Tomorrow morning."

Iruka went momentarily stiff and just continued to hold on to his former charges as they sobbed into his vest. Grief tightened the tanned features and he bowed his head resting it on top of the other two. Kakashi watched numbly, shock at his soon to occur demise overwhelming his system and short circuiting any coherent thought. It was surreal and he vaguely felt like this was all a bad dream, but he wasn't waking up was he? This couldn't be real there had to be some explanation. Kakashi paused in his ramblings noticing what he had thought  _ 'Ah the first stage of grief: denial. Oh joy'. _

After what appeared to be an eternity the three broke apart the need for solace and understanding somewhat diminished. All three looked totally drained but they slowly stood and forced themselves into a facade of normalcy. Iruka patted the shoulders of both the teens a strained and obviously fake smile on his face.

"Sakura, Naruto you need to go home and rest. Try and stay around people, it will make you feel better."

The two youths nodded and Sakura clasped Naruto quivering hand "You can stay at mine tonight Naruto and we'll go together in the morning."

The blonde jinchuuriki didn't argue and allowed himself to be lead out the office by his teammate, followed by the academy sensei. Izumo and Kotetsu watched the trio worriedly, noting the despondent looks on all three faces. They watched as Iruka bade the two teen's farewell and turned back to the desk, his brown eyes clouded with hidden pain. Iruka approached the two chunnin with nervous energy dancing around him.

"Iruka?" Kotetsu asked, worry tingeing his voice.

"I... Is that offer still open for tonight?" The brunette's voice shook so much that both men thought he was about to break.

"Iruka what's wrong?" This time it was Izumo and he sounded no less worried than his partner.

"N.. Not now... Later..."

"Iruka..." There was a hint of threat.

" _ Please. _ " The pleading tone shut both men up and they eyed each other with a grimace.

"Yeah the offer is still open. How about Rusty's an hour after the end of shift."

"Sounds good."

And to Iruka it did sound good because all he wanted to do right now was numb the pain of his breaking heart.

~End Chapter Five~


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God... I just read the original authors note for this chapter. *Dies of shame* I had completely forgot about that incident.... For the record I'm still with that Boyfriend. He still teases me for being a bit weird. :)

A/N: OMG! My worst nightmare just happened...

*Faceplants into keyboard and bangs head repeatedly*

Really. Should. Have. Passworded. My. Computer. Stupid. Stupid. Smaell!

I kinda annoyed my boyfriend by using his computer to download something for a friend in work (Mine doesn't have the software). It was more what I downloaded than the fact I used his computer. So in revenge he decided to ransack my computer and have a sneaky peek at what I've been up to...

ARGGGHHH! He found my Yaoi Doujin stuff T_T. And he had to go and look at the worst most perverted one (Which for those who are interested is Icha Icha Academy). *Dies of embarrassment* Oh god... this is so horrible.

Is it possible to be homicidal and blushing at the same time?

But I suppose I should be grateful. I knew he'd find out about my little obsession eventually and the fact he wasn't screaming 'YOU FREAK' at me and rather was yelling 'YOU'VE GOT PORN' and laughing his ass off is a good sign.

Still embarrassed like hell though. ^_-*

Ah well... On with the chapter. Thanks to everyone for the reviews/fav's/alerts (and listening to me rant ^_^)

Warnings: Have upped the rating slightly for some potty mouths in this chapter. You'll see ^_^

Chapter Six:

The Rusty Kunai or 'Rusty's' as it was better known was one of the worst kept secrets in Konoha's glorious history. The small bar was secreted away in the civilian sector and within its shabby walls and peeling paintwork was the most varied range of alcoholic beverages in the entire fire country.

And it needed to be, considering the clientele.

The ninja exclusive bar served everyone from genin to sannin, provided you were of drinking age or at least  _ looked  _ old enough. The skill of holding a henge whilst inebriated was considered a life skill and one the younger genin aimed to perfect. Usually with encouragement from the proprietor himself who was an ex-ANBU, his excuse was that if they managed to fool him then they could just about fool anybody. Rasuti-san was therefore loved by his peers for his easy going nature and it reflected in his running of the bar, he did after all have only one rule.

Leave your rank at the door.

Oh and don't wake the civilians... But that one was sort of obvious.

So Rusty's friendly atmosphere, quality imported alcohol and dirt cheap prices made it an ideal meeting place, one of the very few in the village where her nin could truly relax.

Kakashi watched stony faced as Iruka approached the bar. The had once again Chūnin changed out of the standard uniform and was this time garbed in a long sleeved white v-neck and black cargo pants. If the jounin had cared to look he would have noticed the fidgety nature and nervous energy radiating off the brunette. But as it was he was caught up in his own self pity and irrepressible anger.

The silver haired man fumed irrationally as he watched the teacher approach his friends. He just couldn't believe after all that had happened that the other man was just going to give up in the face of his death and go and get completely wasted. It just wasn't fair, why did crap like this always seem to happen to him? He thought that Iruka, hell even his students would have done something to try and postpone the switch off. He thought that they actually might have cared.

Apparently he was wrong and it made his blood simmer with hurt.

The trio of Chūnin moved inside the bar. Inside it was just a regular night filled with regular people, well as regular as one could get in a hidden village. The three men moved toward one of the darkened corners and sat down in one of the booths clustered along the edge. Iruka sat on one side, Izumo and Kotetsu on the other. There was a moment of uneasy silence and all three men shifted uncomfortably, finally Izumo plucked up the courage and spoke.

"So Ru, are you finally going to explain what the hell has been going on in your fluffy little head the last few weeks?" The bandana wearing man steeped his fingers in front of his face, an intense look in his dark eyes.

The sensei's face momentarily held a look frequently likened to a deer caught in headlights but he quickly composed himself. Although somewhat earlier than he expected, he had been expecting the interrogation from his closest friends. He sighed deeply and pushed a few stray strands of hair out of his face.

"Can you at least give me chance to get so drunk that I don't remember me spilling all of my dirty little secrets to you?" The words were meant to be humorous but there was no mirth in Iruka's voice, Kakashi felt himself wince.

The brunette's companions silently looked at one another and shrugged before Izumo moved from his position and walked toward the bar. As usual Rasuti was serving and he grinned broadly as the bandana wearing man asked for the strongest stuff in the place. Izumo returned from the bar balancing a large bottle and three glasses on a tray, he set the tray down gently and rejoined his companions. Iruka eyed the bottle dubiously.

"What the hell is that?"

Izumo just shrugged a playful smirk tugging at his features "It's called 'StoneSour' comes from Earth country and is rumoured to be the strongest and finest Sake in all the great nations."

The teachers eyes widened and he tried to form a polite refusal, but his friend's read the signs and shook their collective heads. Kotetsu waved a finger in front of Iruka in a disapproving manner.

"Now, now Ru. You just said you wanted to get drunk and here we are giving you a prime opportunity. You don't want to offend us do you?" The bandaged man sniffed dramatically, faking hurt.

Izumo rolled his eyes and clouted his friend over the head.

"What the idiot means is that you are among friends. It's okay to go a bit nuts once in a while; we're not going to judge you or think any less of you for what happens tonight. And y'know it might be kinda fun."

Iruka evil eyed the bottle once again and Kakashi felt the angry haze lift at the brunette's amusing antics. Reaching out a tentative hand Iruka picked up the bottle and poured himself a small glass of the liquor. He gave it a cautious sniff because some ninja habits were hard to break and deeming it safe, raised it to his friends.

"Bottoms up."

And he downed the glass in one, face tightening at the acrid taste of the alcohol.

Two hours later Iruka was very, very drunk. Kakashi was amazed that the man was still conscious, he had watched with growing fascination and terror as the brunette drank himself into complete oblivion. He'd already made it through three bottles pretty much on his own and was working his way through a fourth. On the other side of the booth the other two Chūnin watched with numbed horror as they saw a side of their friend neither of them had experienced them before. They were used to the slightly, okay extremely temperamental man with a cheery smile and a scathing remark. They were not used to this seemingly broken being in front of them and the worst thing was that they still had no clue as to why? Even inebriated Iruka had somehow managed to keep his silence only slipping the odd bit of information briefly.

Kakashi felt his anger flare again at the false hope of helping Iruka the two Chūnin had presented to him. They were not making the situation any better, if anything they were making it worse by giving the teacher a means to physically destroy himself as well as emotionally.

The quiet humdrum of the bar was interrupted as a group of four jounin stormed through the door, all already quite drunk and swinging off one another jovially. Rasuti-san just grinned pleasantly but even from their small booth the Chūnin could see it was strained. The group paid no heed and continued rough-housing and carousing, ordering their drinks very loudly. The proprietor collected the drinks and placed them on the bar, snatching the money from the outstretched hand and heading to the cash register. As he was returning the change one of the other patrons turned to the group.

"Hey laddies, what's all the celebrating about?"

The apparent leader of the group took a deep swig of his beer and grinned maniacally; he rested against the bar and rubbed the knuckles of his free hand on his vest in a smug gesture.

"Oh nothing much just celebrating the demise of a thorn in our side."

The patron looked warily amused "A thorn in your side 'ey? And who might that be?"

The Jounin's grin widened his teeth glinting in the dimmed light of the bar "Hatake Kakashi."

A ripple of cold passed over the bar at the statement; the jounin seemed not to notice and continued joking with the patron. Over at the Chūnin's booth Iruka went visibly stiff his hand on the sake glass tightening and his dark eyes narrowing.

"Hatake? What's he ever done to you?" Another drinker chorused sounding slightly annoyed.

"What hasn't he done the smug arrogant git? It's because of people like him that honest hardworking Jounin can't anywhere in this world. They just waltz in and take all the glory for other people's toils and waltz back out leaving us to clean up all the mess. Pffhh genius, some genius that's why he's unconscious in the hospital." The man laughed waving his arms flamboyantly, his fellows laughed with him.

Most of the bar sat in silence at the man's drunken rant looking uncomfortably at one another. It wasn't uncommon for there to be rivalries between ninja, but to show such blatant disregard for a comrade especially one who was currently hospitalised was just downright vile. The glass in Iruka's hand cracked under the pressure of the slightly shaking grip. Izumo and Kotetsu looked at one another worriedly, sensing an omen in the air.

Kakashi felt his ire raise a notch and he pleaded to all the powers that be to return him to his body, even if it was just for an hour so he could teach this self important worm a lesson he'd  _ never _ forget. The silver haired man could feel his hand twitching with the urge to maim something a thought that he was relieved to find a number of the bar's occupants echoed. Oh how he wished he could join into the fray that was about to start, it had been a while since his last bar fight and this one would have proved to be memorable.

Kakashi was wondering just who was going to start it all off when the jounin that had been bad mouthing him yelped in pain and a tiny 'plink' echoed through the silent bar as a bottle lid dropped to the floor.

The jounin looked furious as he scooped up the offending item and looked around the bar. Kakashi joined him curious to see who had picked such an amusing way to make their point. He didn't have to look far and when he spotted the assailant his jaw dropped open in shock.

It was Iruka.

The brunette had swivelled in the booth so his upper body was lent across the table and his elbows rested on the beer stained surface. The palm of one hand was flat and the other had a finger extended as though it had just flicked something. Kakashi gaped in impressed disbelief, if the man still had such accuracy when completely plastered then who knew what else he had up his sleeve.

It was a scary thought.

However it wasn't half as scary as the grin crossing the normally mild mannered man's face.

Kotetsu and Izumo paled and shrunk back they recognised that grin all too well, even if it had been a very long time since it had been seen. It was Iruka's 'prankster' grin and usually meant either something was going to get blown up or someone was in for a world of pain. Unfortunately the recipient of Iruka's wrath didn't know that vital piece of information and marched over to confront the grinning man.

"You think you're funny do ya'?" He snarled, brandishing the bottle top at the brunette.

The grin didn't falter and Iruka's two companions shrank back even more, mentally planning their escape routes. That was all they could do in this situation, duck and cover.

"Maybe, what I do think is funny though is that you would bad mouth a fellow shinobi, an injured one at that and not expect any recompense."

For someone so drunk Iruka's words were surprisingly eloquent Kakashi mused.

"And who's gonna give me it? Not you, you're nothing but a pathetic pencil pushing Chūnin."

A dark eyebrow raised and Iruka's brown eyes glittered with malice.

"A pencil pusher I may be, but I'm not pathetic and I'm more than capable of kicking your scummy ass."

The jounin laughed evilly and gestured to his companions.

"Here look at this a little upstart trying to get in the good graces of the copy-nin. It's laughable, even if the bastard was awake and here I doubt he'd associate himself with the likes of you."

Apparently this was the last straw because the next thing anyone knew both men were on the floor tussling and fighting. The jounin had clearly underestimated the Chūnin and now he was paying for it dearly. Iruka had managed to tackle the man to the floor and was currently laying into him with the force of an enraged bull. Hurt and sheer rage were pouring off Iruka and were resonated with each punch.

"You son of a bitch! How dare you! Scum like you have no right, do you even understand what the hell that man has done for this village! He'd bled and killed and even died for this village and what have you done you pompous ass! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"

Kakashi looked on in amazement a warm feeling spreading through his gut at the brunette's impassioned words and actions. He couldn't even remember the last time anyone had stood up for him when he wasn't in the vicinity. To be perfectly honest he was fairly convinced it had never happened before and yet here it was right in front of him and it was enthralling. The warmth began to spread as he watched, Iruka screaming in the other man's face about knowing Kakashi and who he really is. Everything the man had been bottling up seemed to be rushing out in a torrent of emotion and violence.

Quite fitting for a shinobi Kakashi thought, a wry smile cracking his features.

The jounin after recovering from his shock had fought back tooth and nail but it was already too late, he had given Iruka the upper hand and now he was suffering for it. He grabbed hold of the sensei's hair in an attempt to slow the other man down, but it failed miserably and only served to pull the mahogany strands from their tightly bound prison. The hair fluttered down like a veil and rested just above the Chūnin's shoulders obscuring Iruka's face from view. At the sight of the pure, primal, unbound Iruka something else jolted in Kakashi and he was entranced.

The sliver haired man watched as Izumo and Kotetsu grabbed hold of their friend and literally dragged him kicking and yelling off the other man. The jounin looking much worse for wear was helped to his feet, spitting blood on the floor. He shot a scathing look at Iruka.

"Pffhh Don't know why you're so touchy, the way you're acting it's as if you love the guy."

There was a momentary flicker of hesitation in Iruka's eyes and it was all anyone needed, the truth was laid bare for all to see. The jounin starting cackling along with his group of minions.

"Oh Kami you are, aren't you... That makes you even more pathetic than I thought you little fag."

Iruka tensed in his friend's grasp, a growl erupting from his throat. Izumo and Kotetsu looked at their friend in disbelief. Kakashi felt his own growl emerge and he itched to Chidori the asshat into hell, he'd already suspected what Iruka felt toward him but to have it confirmed and then openly mocked was excruciating. Kakashi hadn't dwelt too much on the idea; he had rather selfishly decided it wasn't important because the brunette couldn't like him for more than superficial reasons. However he realised after tonight's little display, it wasn't superficial not in the slightest. Iruka knew him, how he operated, how he functioned and knew that he was a real person underneath all the underneath's. It was somewhat liberating and then the bastard had to go ruin it all. Kakashi had never had the urge to kill someone but right now this pompous prick of a jounin was seriously pushing his buttons.

"Ru..?" Izumo's voice cut across Iruka's rage and alcohol filled mind.

"Ru... Say something you're scaring us." Kotetsu chimed in helping to haul the brunette to his feet.

Iruka stood silently staring down the laughing jounin and then did something that shocked most of the congregation, including Iruka himself.

He answered back.

"So what if I am?"

Stunned silence echoed around the bar as they gawped at the brunette and across the room the bloodied jounin sneered. Same sex relationships weren't exactly frowned upon in the village but it was generally preferred that those preferences were kept to one's self. To announce it publically was nothing short of social suicide. But at that moment social suicide meant nothing to the brunette, he was so very, very tired of hiding behind a mask while his life crumbled around him.

"So the little fag does have a set after all, if it actually meant anything. You're disgusting you unnatural freak."

There was a flurry of movement and in a split second the jounin was surrounded by people, everyone of them brandishing some kind of sharp pointed object.

The man paled considerably.

"Now.." Izumo hissed "I wouldn't say things like that to my friend, who knows what 'accidents' could happen." The bandana clad man pushed his kunai closer to the man's neck for emphasis "After all my friend is apparently much more respected than you."

Kakashi smirked behind his mask at the scene happy to see that even in light of the revelation Iruka was still beloved as before and he couldn't help but feel vindicated that the asshat was getting his comeuppance. The brunette looked shocked at the display of loyalty from his friends and even some complete strangers, a small but genuine smile crossed his lips. The other man however looked far from happy as the variety of ninja backed away, taking the hint he collected his goons and promptly exited the bar.

Iruka sighed and ran a hand through his loose hair and swayed slightly as the adrenalin wore of and the alcohol once again consumed his system. Izumo and Kotetsu just smiled in relief finally starting to understand what was ailing their friend. The brunette staggered slightly as he made his way to the booth, alcohol clouding his senses he crashed down heavily and lay back on the seat. Outside the clock began to chime midnight.

The droopy brown eyes shot wide open.

Tomorrow.

It was today.

Before either of his friends even had chance to ask what was wrong Iruka had already started weaving signs and had disappeared in a poof of chakra smoke. Leaving behind two befuddled friends and an equally befuddled Kakashi

Kakashi ran quickly through the village following the chakra trail the Iruka's teleportation jutsu had left and he was somehow not surprised to find himself at the hospital. The oppressive nature of the building loomed over him and it made his heart sink. He hadn't been planning on coming back here it had gotten to the point where he just didn't really care anymore and just wished it was all over. Because then one way or another he'd be free from this blasted existence. He followed the path to the room he was been kept in and tried not to shudder. Approaching the sterile door he almost felt hesitant about what he'd find behind but the silver haired man steeled himself and passed straight through.

The room was a barren as he remembered it, the only change being a single daffodil by his bedside. A gift from Sakura the most likely scenario. Iruka was already sat in one of the chairs nervously wringing his hands in his lap. His gaze kept darting from the prone figure on the bed to the door and back again, almost in disbelief that someone hadn't spotted him yet. Kakashi had thus far carefully kept his gaze forward and not on the figure in the bed, he didn't want to see himself knowing what was to come. But now he had no choice as the brunette moved and edged toward the unconscious figure still slightly unsteady on his feet.

Kakashi turned his head and followed the man's ungainly walk and finally his eye landed upon himself. The jounin winced he really looked like crap, his normally pale skin seemed almost translucent, the blue veins standing out harshly against the white. His body was hooked up to a number of machines, apparently doing everything from helping him breathe to helping him piss. The shudder Kakashi had been suppressing wracked his body and finally acceptance hit home.

This was the end.

The jounin sighed as he watched Iruka move up toward his face just like the last time they had been in this situation. This time due to either the alcohol or the realisation that this was his last chance the brunette was a little bolder in his actions. A tanned head threaded through the silvery hair as he stroked it away from the sweat slicked skin a look sadness on the man's face. Iruka withdrew his hand and just stared at it for a second seemingly contemplating something. Another nervous moment passed by and finally seeming to have made up his mind the brunette moved forward.

"I'm sorry Kakashi-san, but if I don't do this now I'll never forgive myself."

And he tugged the bottom of the surgical mask up and placed his lips against the slightly chilled ones underneath.

Kakashi stared in shock for all of a second, then the pain, the pulling and the all consuming darkness set in and he fell to the floor not even noticing if he hit the ground or not

What was that he could taste...?

... Sake...?

Why could he taste sake..?

Why was there something pressing on his lips?

And why did he feel like he just been thrown in a blender?

Maybe... if he opened his eyes it would make sense?

Mismatched eyes opened to lock with startled brown which seemed to be getting wider by the second.

Oh right Iruka...

Kakashi blinked blearily trying to focus his gaze on the man in front of him. Iruka stood completely still gaping like a dying fish eyes impossibly wide. The jounin smirked at the image and said the first thing that came to his fuzzy mind.

"Yo."

His voice was crackly, that was odd it hadn't been crackly after the first time he had blacked out and why was Iruka acting like he had heard him? Iruka seemed to pale at the statement and backed away slowly from the bed, tripping over his own feet and landing on his backside.

"I.. Iruka." Kakashi tried again and the man once again responded by backing away further and going white as a sheet before slightly green and rushing to the nearest bin, promptly throwing up everything he had consumed.

~End Chapter Six~

A/N: Okay you happy now I didn't kill him ^_^. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Unfortunately it now means I have to explain things Dang...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone, you are all awesome. <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Chuckles* I love reading the old A/N's they remind me of some of the random ass conversations I used to have. I wish A03 had a PM system lol.
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who has red/kudos'd/commented. You're all amazing, wonderful, awesome people.

A/N: So yeah this is my second attempt at this chapter... My home is currently a disaster area and so I actually have permission to use my boyfriend's computer lol! There are actually work men here now, but they're nearly finished (Thank Christ ^_^).

Anywho... I'm so sorry I've made you wait for this T_T It's been one of those fortnights. I would however like to thank every single person who has Reviewed/ Favourited/alerted or just even glanced at this. Thanks to all you wonderful, wonderful people this is now my most successful story.

DOMO ARIGATO *Bows*

Let's get on with this then... As usual reviewers will be showered with huggles and virtual cookies. ^_^

Otherside

Chapter Seven:

It took a few minutes for Kakashi's fuzz addled brain to start to focus. His head still hurt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to his skull and then ran over his body for good measure. But through the haze of pain the jounin was beginning to become aware of his surroundings. Mentally giving a sigh of relief Kakashi turned his gaze back to the man still heaving in the corner. Iruka's breaths were coming out in short sharp gasps as he tried to control his retching and even addled as he was the silver haired man could see the teacher was shaking violently.

Soon the brunette's breathing evened out and he once again turned to face the copy nin, his expressive eyes wide with a myriad of emotions and a look of mortified shock etched across his features. Kakashi almost chuckled at the man sprawled out on the cold hospital floor or he would have if his damned throat didn't hurt so much.

Just why did it hurt so much?

With tremendous effort Kakashi managed to get one of his arms to respond and it slowly crept from its limp position up toward his throat. After a few agonizing and painful minutes it reached its destination and a look of panic crossed the copy nin's masked face as emaciated digits came to rest on a cold plastic tube.

Just what was going on?

Why was there something sticking out of his throat?

Unless...

Unless...

He was back in his body.

He could be seen, heard.

He could talk to Iruka, and he would have already if the damned tube wasn't putting pressure on his voice box. In a moment of blind desperation Kakashi tugged on the tubing. A wave of pain shot through his body and the jounin lashed out accordingly, knocking a tray of medical implements to the floor with an almighty crash.

On the floor Iruka's eyes went wider but the shock numbing his body prevented him from moving.

Outside the room a scraping of chairs echoed through the desolate corridor which neither occupant of the room noticed, already far too wrapped up in their separate turmoil's. Also neither man noticed the door swinging open violently and a pair of honey coloured eyes locking onto the brunette sat sprawled on the pristine hospital floor, not noticing the rooms other occupant.

"UMINO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!"

The sheer volume of the voice was enough to wake the dead and caused the majority of the hospitals occupants to shudder in fear and sympathy for the recipient of Tsunade's wrath. Iruka however paid her no heed and continued to stare in muted shock at the silver haired man on the bed. The Hokage was never one to take being ignored lightly and she crossed her arms gripping the fabric of her sleeves in a death grip in an attempt to control her temper.

"Umino I asked you what the hell you are doing here?" Her voice was quieter but the menace was just as present.

Still the brunette said nothing just simply staring his whole body trembling. The grip on Tsunade's sleeves if possible tightened and the vein in her forehead began to tick violently.

"What the hell are you doing here when I forbade you to come here! God damn it Iruka answer me... ANSWER ME!"

The blond moved a step forward to grab the man by the scruff of the neck but stopped when a small flash of movement to her right caught her attention. The anger melted from her features and a sort of hopeful disbelief replaced it, the honey coloured eyes going round. Slowly she followed Iruka's gaze to the pristine white bed and as a pair of alert mismatched eyes met her own the blonde Hokage let out a strangled gasp and staggered back coming to rest against the wall. She brought her hands to her face to hide the tears pooling in her eyes as she slid to the floor as her personal and professional emotions battled for dominance.

"Hokage-sama... are you oka.." Kimura had followed Tsunade into the room and upon seeing his leader on the floor immediately rushed to her side.

"Lady Tsunade?"

Finally the blond responded her professionalism winning out, eyes still glistening slightly she rose from the floor and brushed the invisible creases. Kimura looked at her quizzically and she levelled him with a stern gaze, her 'Hokage' face back firmly in place.

"Kimura I need a full assessment team in here right away."

The medic looked confused "I don't understand Tsunade-sama... it's pointless... "

A slightly cruel smirk twisted the blonds features "Pointless you say Kimura-san. Would you mind looking at the patient again?"

The man's brow furrowed but he did as he commanded, after all it would be an immensely stupid idea to disobey a direct order from the Hokage herself. As he turned to the bed Kimura blinked once and stared, then blinked again to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks.

"It's... It's not possible."

Tsunade's grin turned feral " So see why I need an assessment team in here."

"I... yes... I'll get on it right away Hokage-sama."

"Thank you."

Kimura left as quickly as he arrived, still visibly shaken. If Kakashi had had the capacity to laugh he would have, but right now everything hurt far too much to even contemplate the action. The jounin turned his mismatched gaze back to the rooms other occupants, felt the temperature of the room plummet a few degrees and his heart drop. Tsunade had returned to form and was staring at the teacher still perched on the floor, not glaring just staring with a steely look in his eye. Iruka had also appeared to recover from his shock and was currently staring back at the Hokage a fearful look in his eye, slowly he staggered to his feet gripping the wall for support.

"So Umino are you going to tell me what happened _ this _ time or should I just ask Kakashi?"

Iruka paled considerably and dropped his gaze, mouth moving but no words coming out.

Tsunade shook her head, "I didn't think so. You are relieved of your duties until further notice, if I can't trust you to obey a simple command then I can't trust you with our most valuable assets."

Kakashi eyes widened in horror as he watched the dejected man just nodded softly. This wasn't fair Iruka hadn't done anything wrong and even in his vastly weakened state the jounin tried to protest, but all he could manage were a few strangled words and the tiniest of movements. The silver haired man mentally screamed in frustration, god damn it he was back in the real world and still unable to do a thing.

"Get out Iruka. I don't want you in my sight and if you feel like disobeying again I'll be handing the matter over to Ibiki. "

Both men stiffened at the threat but Iruka didn't let the fear he felt at those words show on his face and Kakashi admired his fortitude. The silver haired man had seen some shinobi literally wet themselves in terror at the mention of possibly being handed over to the interrogations specialist. The brunette just simply nodded his understanding and moved toward the door not pausing to look back. The jounin struggled against his enfeebled state to try and stop the man from leaving but as before it was a useless endeavour. Kakashi wanted to destroy something in his frustration, scream at the top of his lungs. He just wanted to be able to talk to the man for five minutes, was that so much to ask.

Tsunade watched the man go a sad look on her face as she gave a small sigh before turning to her patient. Kakashi felt an irrational wave of loathing hit him as he glared at his Hokage, the blond seemed to shrug off the look and placed her hands on her hips.

"Don't give me that look brat, you've been out of it for two week. You have no idea what's been going on."

The silver haired man really wanted to protest those claims, but how on earth would he explain to his Hokage just what had been going on the last few weeks. Hell he couldn't even explain it himself and he was the one living through it. So Kakashi held his silence and continued to glare, his exposed sharingan spinning lazily.

There was a knock at the door breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Come in."

The door opened to reveal Kimura and his team, Kakashi recognised most of them from that first day in the hospital and felt a small curl of comfort bloom in his breast. The copy nin almost shook his head in amusement at his reaction, who knew he'd see the day when he'd be _ happy _ to see medics?

Twenty five minutes later it was a different story, the silver haired man was beginning to remember just _ why _ it was he hated the hospital. He'd already been prodded in what felt like a hundred different places, had _ every _ extremity scanned and every internal organ scanned and had just generally been scanned to death.

And they still hadn't removed the god damned tube!

If he could have he would have growled, loudly. It was taking every ounce of his resolve to keep the promise he had made that first night and not cause them any undue bother. Couldn't they see that he was fine? A little weak admittedly but that was not really a big deal food and real rest would solve that.

Stupid medical professionals.

Finally sensing their patient had had enough the medics backed off to collate their data and draw their conclusions. The meeting was over surprisingly quickly and thy handed the report to Tsunade who's eyes widened in disbelief.

"This can't be right..?"

The young intern stepped forward "It is Tsunade-sama. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him, other than the chakra drain he is perfectly healthy but even that seems to be regenerating at a rapid rate."

"I... Okay...If you're sure his lungs are fine remove the tube."

"Hai."

Kimura stepped forward and levelled the jounin with an odd stare, as though still not quite believing that Kakashi was truly there, awake and seemingly fine. Slowly he picked up the instruments necessary for the procedure, ensured they were all clean and then washed his hands.

"Be aware Hatake-san this is going to be extremely uncomfortable and somewhat painful. I need you to try and stay as still as possible."

Kakashi nodded and noticed the whole team surrounding the bed ready to move if he attempted to do anything and the jounin could have swore he saw one of the males looking slightly nervous and shielding his privates. Kimura moved quickly and decisively, disconnecting the attachments and slicing through the bindings that were holding the abhorrent object in place, the medic paused for a second and looked Kakashi in the eye.

"I'm going to start pulling the tube out now."

It was safe to say that what happened next was one of the most unpleasant things that Kakashi had ever experienced and that was saying a lot considering his long and illustrious career. The tube slid slowly up his windpipe and out of his wounded throat. The sensation made the copy nin want to gag and he barely managed to hold off the urge for the time being. An agonizing minute passed by and finally the last segment of the tube came out with a soft pop and the hole quickly healed by the skilled hands. Actually seeing the length of tube that had been inserted into his chest caused the barely suppressed nausea to re-emerge and the silver haired man found himself heaving a mixture of blood and some other questionable substances into a kindly offered bed pan.

The attack subsided quickly and soon Kakashi was lying back against the pillows, his eyes shut as he took his first shuddering breaths unaided. As the medics left the room Tsunade moved to his bedside and sat on one of the chairs propped up there, she crossed her legs, foot tapping to some unknown beat. After a few quiet moments Kakashi decided to brave speaking.

"Hokage-sama." His voice although still raspy sounded much stronger to his ears.

"Well at least you remember who I am." Tsunade half joked resting her hands on her lap.

Kakashi gave her one of his patented eye smiles "Maa... As if I could forget you baa-chan."

The blond gave him a light cuff around the top of the head "And as if I could be rid of you that easy brat."

The silver haired man let out a chuckle that sounded like it was being dragged along sandpaper and it caused him to have another coughing fit. Apparently his lungs were still adjusting to not having a tube shoved in them and Kakashi was more than surprised to feel a hand gently rubbing his back.

"Tsunade-sama?"

"Just relax Kakashi, just relax everything is going to be fine now."

The jounin looked confused but took his physicians advice and relaxed back into the soft pillows. He had a feeling that there was something that Tsunade wasn't telling him but as it seemed she wasn't going anywhere for the time being he was going to have ample time to wheedle the information out of her.

* * *

Iruka rushed through the hospital corridors his mind in complete disarray, the buzz from the alcohol was beginning to wear off and his rational thinking was starting to reawaken. Just what had he been thinking by going into the copy nin's room? He couldn't believe that even in his drunken state that his brain had decided_ that _ was a good idea, never mind kissing the man. Rejection stung through his veins at the memory of that stolen kiss, knowing he would never again be allowed such an opportunity. And then he'd gone and totally enraged Tsunade _ again _ , so what did he have to show for tonight, a rapidly appearing hangover, a broken heart and suspension from duty. _ Just great. _

His night and started badly and had just gotten worse.

The brunette was still bemoaning his cruel and twisted fate when he collided with something or rather someone's. Naruto looked up blearily clearly having been roused from his slumber not long before; beside him Sakura stifled a yawn. It took the two youngsters a brief moment to realise who they had stumbled into.

"Iruka-sensei?"

Damn the fates were being absolute _ bitches _tonight

"Ah... Naruto, Sakura. What are you doing here so late?"

The two youngsters looked at one another sadly and Sakura was the first to find her voice.

"Um... an ANBU came to my house about twenty minutes ago and said that Hokage-sama had requested our presence at the hospital. They wouldn't tell us what it was about but we could guess."

The green eyes clouded with pain and grief and for a moment Iruka felt confused. Kakashi was awake why weren't they happy? And then the little voice inside his head gave him a good slap for being a complete moron.

_ Because they don't know he is awake yet, idiot. They think they're being brought here to see him die. _

A small smile broke out on his face, so maybe tonight would have one good point. He placed a hand on both of the youngster's heads and tousled their hair like he used to when they were much smaller. Both Naruto and Sakura looked up and were confused by the happy look on their former sensei's face. The small smile broke out into a grin.

"Believe me when I say it's not for what you think."

Emerald and cerulean eyes went wide as they discerned the message hidden in Iruka's words. Both looked disbelieving and their faces asked the questions that their voices were incapable of. The brunette nodded in answer to their silent question his grin growing wider, even though he could feel his heart breaking. He envied these two with all his heart but did not wish to prolong their misery or heap any resentment upon them because of his unattainable goals.

"He's awake."

Sakura gasped and Naruto's mouth fell open in shock.

"Seriously... You mean it Iruka-sensei..." The blond jinchuuriki croaked his throat tight.

Iruka nodded for what seemed like the millionth time.

"But how?" Sakura asked confusion creasing her features "The charts... He had deteriorated beyond help."

"I wish I could tell you Sakura but I don't know. All I know is that he is awake and doing fairly well."

"How can you be so sure?" The pinkette seemed mistrusting, almost afraid to get her hopes up.

Iruka looked her straight in the eye "Do you honestly think I would tell you if this was mere rumour? I thought you knew me better than that and besides I saw him and he was awake and functioning."

"You saw him..."

"Yes. Now Hokage-sama is waiting for you"

Sakura seemed convinced and a beaming smile broke out on her features before she took off at a run towards the main entrance. Naruto didn't follow and barred the man's path, levelling his sensei with a stare.

"And what were you doing here Iruka-sensei?"

The brunette shrugged nonchalantly not answering his former student's question. Naruto gave him a suspicious look and folded his arms. Iruka gave a hollow laugh and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He never had been able to hide much from the younger blond.

"Nothing much Naruto just got into a bit of a disagreement with a few scoundrels and Izumo and Kotetsu made me come and get checked out."

"A disagreement?" The jinchuuriki asked disbelievingly

"A disagreement." Iruka mimicked a fake smile worming its way onto his face "Nothing more nothing less."

Naruto still looked unconvinced "What is it with you recently?"

The brunette looked shocked "Me, I don't know what you're talking about."

The younger man shrugged "You've been acting strange for a while Iruka-sensei. Yet no one seems to know why? I spoke to Izumo and Kotetsu and they say you just dodge the question when it comes up. You never want to talk to anyone... it hurts to see you shutting yourself off like this. You're like my older brother, you look out for me and listen to my problems and I... well I care about you. But you need to understand that it goes both ways Iruka-Nii... I'm here for you too. "

There was a brief flash of pain through the dark eyes and Iruka felt guilt burn in his stomach, he hadn't meant for Naruto to get himself involved. Adult's troubles were not the worries of a teenage boy and Iruka knew that the young man had enough on his plate without him adding to it. He refused to be a burden to those he cared about most and yet here he was burdening them. It left a nasty taste in his mouth and it wasn't just the vomit from earlier.

"I promise you Naruto it's all fine but if I ever need to talk you'll be my first port of call to bore to death."

The words sounded so false, rolling off his tongue like acid but they had the desired effect, Naruto looked mollified at least for the time being. The blond placed a warm hand on Iruka's shoulder and flashed him a foxy grin, it was heartbreaking to watch the sincerity in the cerulean orbs and Iruka felt a wave of nausea erupt in retaliation to his deceit.

"As long as we understand one another."

"We do Naruto we do." The brunette replied quietly, dropping his gaze.

Iruka stood silently as the jinchuuriki ran to catch up with his team mate and felt tears begin to prick his eyes as the footfalls lightened. He scrubbed his eyes furiously refusing to show any more weakness but the tears still came unbidden.

_ Such a burden _. The little voice in the back of his head mocked.

_ Such a useless burden. _

~End Chapter Seven.~

End A/N: I'm not totally happy with this chapter as it was a slight rush job. When I get chance I'll come back and fix it. Just please don't sic ANBU Iruka or the smiling couches on me in the mean time (You know who you are ^_^).

The builders are still here T_T


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I have been super busy writing my Mini Bingo fics.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been following this.

A/N: I fail at life... This is my second attempt at this chapter. I kinda lost the first T_T. Sorry for all the delays real life has once again been making me her bitch and it only promises to get worse *Sighs*

Anywho enough griping ^_^. Thanks to all you guys who red/reviewed/fav'd/alerted. I really appreciate it I truly do.

Chapter Eight:

The hospital of Konoha although never truly a silent place was generally considered to be peaceful, tranquil even. However as one would expect in a hidden village this was not always the case, every now and then there would be an incident that would disrupt the peaceful candour of the building.

This was one of those times.

"Why the HELL can't we go through!"

Naruto's enraged voice ripped through the near silent halls of the hospital and the blonde jinchuuriki glared fiercely at the old biddy sat behind the reception desk. The elderly nurse glared back with equal venom and disdain, shuffling the papers clasped in her hand in a self important fashion. She turned baleful eyes on the two youngsters and gave a sniff of disapproval.

"I'm under strict orders not to let anyone through. So would you kindly leave before I have to call the Hokage."

Although the words themselves were polite there was not a shred of politeness in nurse's tone of voice, only irritation and rapidly surfacing anger. Naruto bristled visibly his fists balled up in anger at the complete audacity of the woman in front of them. Didn't she think for one second that they had a good reason for being there at one o'clock in the morning that maybe the Hokage had asked them to be there? The blondee voiced his opinion in no uncertain terms.

"The Hokage sent for us you moron." The voice was scathing.

"Like I'm going to believe that brat.." The nurse replied "Just go home already let us adults deal with things here."

There was a visible shudder of anger coursing through Naruto's lean frame. Sensing her teammates rapidly surging emotions Sakura placed a calming hand on his shoulder, forcing him to centre himself. Wide blue eyes met green and the jinchuuriki gave a deep sigh, he knew this wasn't the time to lose his temper and end up getting barred from the one place they currently wanted to be.

"Naruto...?" Sakura asked, her hand not moving from its perch.

"It's fine Sakura, I'm cool, you don't have to worry."

The anger was still bubbling underneath but with the pink-haired kunoichi’s steady presence beside him he had managed to get it under control before he did something stupid. The years had finally taught the blonde some restraint, he still occasionally acted rashly but the incidents had become few and far between. Sakura smiled weakly and released her grip on her teammates shoulder.

"There you are!"

An all too familiar and irritated voice echoed out across the sterile corridor and both Naruto and Sakura felt a smile, admittedly a somewhat vindictive one, breach their features at the rapidly paling skin of the old biddy. Finally things would get sorted out and rather quickly by the look on Tsunade's face. The Hokage strode up an air of intimidation hovering around her and a look of annoyance on the deceptively youthful face.

"I sent for you two over half an hour ago." She folded her arms across her impressive chest and amber eyes narrowed. "Explain."

The nurse sitting at the reception desk continued to go a ghastly shade of white as the two youngsters merely shrugged indifferently, the small, vindictive smile still gracing their faces.

"We would have been here sooner but some old biddy..." There was a muffled squawk of protest "Kept telling us that she had been ordered not to let anyone through."

Tsunade's eyes flashed dangerously and she levelled the woman with a glare

"Now why would that be?"

The blonde’s voice was soft but the undercurrent of threat was obvious. The nurse glanced nervously from the two youngsters to her leader and then looked down at the desk. The ghastly pale hue of her skin had vanished and a faint pink stain had tinged her bloated cheeks.

"K...Kimura-sempai said that you did not want to be disturbed and so I..I assumed..."

"You assumed that no one was to go through at all. How utterly idiotic! What if there had been an emergency? Would you have held up that messenger with this useless drivel? Gah... What is it with people tonight, I have one who can't follow orders and others who just make it up as they go along!"

The two youngsters looked at little curious at the last statement but decided that was a question for another time, when Tsunade was in a better mood to entertain their curiosity. As it was the older woman looked stressed and haggard, but strangely enough much more content and happier than she had in awhile. The Hokage planted her hands on her hips in exasperation and shook her head.

"Never mind. Just try and use your brain next time. I know you have one in there."

Naruto hid his chuckle under his hand rather poorly, eliciting a glare from the nurse. Sakura just sighed and shrugged in amusement following Tsunade who had already started to walk down the corridor at a rapidly increasing pace. The blonde jinchuuriki soon followed and the trio moved down the sterile corridors until they reached Tsunade's office. The elder quickly beckoned the two accompanying her into the office and as they passed her she sealed the door shut with a jutsu, she then turned to face them an unreadable look adorning her face.

"I suppose you are wondering why you are here."

Both of the rooms other occupants nodded. Although they had a pretty good idea why they were here, they were unsure as to how much their former academy sensei was supposed to have told them and they did not wish to get him into bother unnecessarily. If the precautions Tsunade were using were any indication, the Hokage clearly didn't want the news to leave the room. So both Naruto and Sakura played dumb for the moment, trying not to show to much hope or fear in their body language.

Tsunade continued and folded her arms once again across her chest, clasping her biceps tightly. She looked distinctly uncomfortable and took a deep breath before speaking.

"I know you heard what I said this afternoon."

Both teens stiffened visibly the happiness fleeing in a second, the Hokage noticed the barely perceivable flinch and smiled reassuringly.

"I was wrong. He... Kakashi is awake."

Relief flooded the two forms stood before her and both Naruto and Sakura mentally jumped for joy. It wasn't that they hadn't believed Iruka, but having it confirmed lifted such a massive weight from both sets of shoulders and they smiled the first genuinely happy smile either of them had in weeks. Tsunade watched the reaction to the news and had to admit she felt somewhat disappointed, she had been expecting something a little more dramatic. But then again the two youngsters before her had been through such a trying ordeal the last few weeks, who was she to judge their reactions.

"Can we see him?" The tentative request echoed around the quiet room.

Tsunade smiled and nodded softly "Yes, but only for a short time. He still needs to rest and recover. Although knowing Kakashi he'll be trying to escape tomorrow."

There was a brief snort of laughter as all three recounted the silver haired Jounin's rather legendary hospital reputation. Releasing the jutsu Tsunade beckoned the other two to follow her but before she could open the door there was a knock on the hard wooden surface. Looking vaguely surprised and somewhat confused the Hokage opened the door, only to come face to face with a runner-nin.

"Tsunade-sama."

The runner bowed respectfully and held out the large manila folder she had been holding onto. A tawny brow shot up as she examined the seemingly innocent folder and she took it from the runners grasp.

"What is this?"

"It's the information you requested from archives. The researchers apologised for the length of time it took, but the original transcripts were very old and in need of translation."

Tsunade ran her free hand through her hair and turned back to Naruto and Sakura, she gave them a shrug and sighed. So much for having an early one, it appeared the fates were making her their bitch tonight.

"Thank you for your work. Please pass this message onto the researchers."

The runner bowed again and left as quickly as she arrived as Tsunade glanced over the folder seemingly forgetting about the two teens. A frown marred her features as she began to sift through the jumbled information in an attempt to make sense of it.

"Naruto, Sakura you can go on ahead, it appears I have some business to attend to."

Both blonde and pink nodded and moved past the woman , who was clearly engrossed in whatever the file contained. They exited the office and walked steadily down the corridor the only noise the thrum of the fluorescent lights over head. Approaching the room that housed their sensei and team leader, they slowed their pace and almost ambled to the forbidding door. Taking a deep breath Naruto raised his hand to knock on the door but was cut to the chase as a quiet, croaky but unmistakably amused voice called out from behind the wooden barrier.

"Are you just going to stand out there or are you going to come in?"

Sakura rolled her eyes and Naruto gave a small huff of laughter before opening the door and stepping inside. The two students gazed in wonder at the man sitting upright on the bed and for a brief second they felt as though they were three years old being reunited with a parent after being lost. Kakashi saw the expressions and chuckled, the rasping sound causing his throat to tighten and him to cough. In a second the moment was broken and Sakura rushed to his side and poured a glass of water.

"Stupid idiot! You shouldn't be straining your throat so soon after having the tube removed. Didn't the medics explain anything?" she muttered, resisting the urge to smack the stupid, infuriating man who had caused her so much worry, over the head.

Kakashi remained silent knowing better than to invoke Sakura's ire when she was in 'medic mode'. He contented himself with giving her a warm eye smile and ruffled her cropped hair in what he thought was an affectionate manner. At the initial touch Sakura stopped her grousing and stilled, green eyes shining with unshed tears and a whole spectrum of emotion she just couldn't hide anymore.

"You had us worried sensei."

The Jounin dropped the smile and nodded solemnly, fixing both of his students with a gaze that hopefully conveyed all the apologies needed. Sakura gave him a crooked smile and resumed her fussing, whilst Naruto still hadn't moved from his position by the door. Kakashi focused his mismatched gaze on the blonde jinchuuriki and found nothing but the top of his head, Naruto's head was bowed and he was trembling. Sakura stop her ministrations for a moment to look curiously at her teammate.

"Naruto..?" Her tone was thick with worry and confusion.

The blonde didn't look up but moved toward the bed in a jerky fashion, when he reached Kakashi he fell to his knees, muttering apologies under his breath. The copy-nin's eyes went wide and he grabbed hold of the young man's shoulder vainly attempting to haul him to his feet. Naruto didn't budge but looked up into questioning eyes, guilt, grief and relief reflected in the cerulean orbs. He opened his mouth to speak but was quickly silenced as the jounin placed a hand over his mouth and shook his head solemnly. Understanding the gesture for what it was Naruto closed his eyes, a tired smile lightening the weary face. Behind them Sakura smiled warmly and pulled up a chair, the blonde followed suit they had a lot to catch up with.

An hour and a half later Sakura forcibly removed Naruto, dragging him out by the collar whilst reminding him that Kakashi needed rest to recover. The silver haired man smirked as he drifted off into slumber happy that things were finally starting to get back to normal.

Kakashi awoke the next morning to a presence sitting by a side, years of training had allowed him to wake instantly without being detected. Maybe if he just kept his eyes closed for a little longer the person would leave.

No such luck.

"Nice try Kakashi, I know you're awake now open your eyes. We have some things to discuss." Tsunade's voice cut across his revere and the copy-nin mentally groaned.

Slowly he opened his eyes and turned them on the Hokage who was sitting in the chair Sakura had occupied the night before. In her hand was a large manila folder and on her face was a look of worried puzzlement, as though she wasn't really looking at Kakashi, just a figment of Kakashi. It sent a shudder down the man's spine.

"Tsunade-sama." He said quietly, his voice already sounding better to his ears.

The blonde gave a weak smile "It's nothing bad Kakashi, I just want to ask you a few questions that's all."

"Questions?"

"Yes, what do you remember about the jutsu that hit you?"

Kakashi shifted into a sitting position in an attempt to make himself more comfortable and his limbs protested the movement. He steadfastly ignored the aches and pains and levelled Tsunade with a curious stare.

"Not much to be honest, just a bright light and a rather unpleasant pulling sensation. I could show you the hand signs if you wish."

Tsunade nodded and he flashed through the complicated set of hand signs, noting the frown on the blonde’s face get deeper and deeper with each passing moment. At the end he just looked at her a weird sensation bubbling in his gut.

"Thank you Kakashi you've just confirmed what I suspected."

A raised silver eyebrow was the only reply Tsunade got to her statement and she carried on her explanation.

"We've been researching what happened to you since Naruto and Sakura brought you in. We had limited information on the jutsu used against you and all we had on the person who cast it was a description and a symbol."

The Hokage stood and began to pace the room, weariness radiating off her. It was clear the woman hadn't slept but she was filled with an antsy energy that kept her moving.

"Then yesterday the archives finally found this."

She tossed the folder onto the bed and Kakashi picked it up his curiosity winning out. He flipped open the first page and immediately recognised the symbol adorning the page, eyes wide he scanned the rest of the page picking out key pieces of information. Slowly the pieces began to fall into place and he felt shock overwhelm his system.

"This is impossible." He muttered, still scanning through the pages of the report.

"Theoretically no. It's highly improbable, but all the other avenues we followed led to dead ends. This is the only feasible explanation left."

"But the clan died off over fifty years ago."

Tsunade shrugged "That's according to our records, but you know how unreliable they can be sometimes."

Kakashi didn't answer but stared down at the document in his hand detailing the clan's history, and their particular area of expertise. The more he read the more the crazy theory seemed to make sense but the whole idea seemed so outlandish it couldn't be real. His thoughts must have shown on what was exposed of his face as Tsunade cut across his thoughts.

"I thought the same last night, I mean who would believe it was possible to remove a person's soul without killing the body. It actually makes sense if you think about it. It's all about balance, only remove the 'spiritual' part of the chakra, and leave the 'physical' inside the body. So your consciousness is trapped but your body is alive, simple yet genius. Of course over time your body weakens as it needs both sides of the chakra to support itself. This theory explains all your symptoms"

"That's all well and good Tsunade-sama. But the big question is how did I get back?"

The Hokage stopped pacing "Ah... Now that's where all this comes undone. I have no idea."

"Really..?"

"Really. The documents mention something about a conduit, a channel for the soul to pass through. But it doesn't go into any real details as to what this conduit possibly is or could be."

Kakashi frowned deeply "But I'm assuming you have a theory?"

The blonde shrugged "The whole jutsu is based on will. I suppose if it was wanted enough and the conduit was strong enough it could reattach the separated soul, but I can't see anything in the village having that kind of power."

"How about emotion? If an emotion was strong enough could it do the same as sheer will?"

The silver haired man's voice was beginning to tire but there was a tone of desperation hidden in the crackly voice. The blonde seemed to ponder the idea for a second.

"I suppose it's possible, it would have to be a very powerful emotion like hate or anger..."

"Or love?" Kakashi stepped in.

Amber eyes went wide at the question and then softened immediately as she nodded. Kakashi's mind was reeling as his mind put the pieces together, his heart pumping rapidly in his chest.

"Kakashi are you okay?"

"I... Yes I am Hokage-sama. Just a little overwhelmed."

That was the understatement of the century, he was completely overwhelmed. To think that all this time there had been someone in the village that had cared for him so deeply and he'd been too blind to even notice. His mind whirled on fast forward, he needed to talk to Iruka, he needed to talk to him right this second.

"Kakashi...?"

A stormy grey eye looked up "Hokage-sama, would it be possible for me to speak to Umino-san?"

Tsunade frowned "I don't think that is a good idea Kakashi."

"I don't care I need to talk to him."

"Kakashi! That man is trouble."

"Like you would know Tsunade-sama, all you do is run him down!" The words come unbidden from his mouth and he froze as they left his lips.

"Hatake.." The name was growled "Don't make me sedate you."

The copy-nin looked sullen, but he wisely kept his mouth shut.

"What is it with my ninja lately?.." The blonde sighed "You will stay here until the medics give you the all clear or I will make you regret waking up. Hopefully that will be tomorrow morning and you are to have no contact with Umino, that's an order."

Kakashi glared at the bed spread like a petulant child.

"What was that Hatake?"

"Yes Hokage-sama." The muffled words were laced with venom.

Tsunade placed her hands on her hips despairingly "I may seem cruel Kakashi, but I'm doing with this good reason."

She didn't quite catch the muttered 'yeah right' as the door shut behind her.

~End chapter Eight~

A/N: Finally finished. This is the last filler chapter YAY! Next chapter we finally get the confrontation we've all been waiting for YAY!

Peace, love and cheesecake!

Smaell out!

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING HERE!! There extreme examples of depression and wanting to commit suicide.
> 
> I was going through some stuff when I orginally wrote this and as well you may have already guessed I tend to use writing as a way of trying to work through my problems/ emotions. I was not in the best place and I'm not using it as an excuse I was pretty fucked up but I was lucky and I had people that cared about me to help me through my fucked-upness. I know others aren't always so lucky.
> 
> So from one screw let me impart this piece of advice. Talk to someone, if you feel shit talk to someone, anyone. It's hard but it really does help.

Chapter Nine:

The next day just couldn't have come soon enough for Kakashi.

He had spent the remainder of the previous day undergoing any and every test the medics could think of. By the time the evening had rolled around the jounin was sore, irritable and covered in ridiculous array of gaudy band-aids. Which the simpering nurses had found amusing to stick over the numerous puncture wounds he had accumulated throughout the day.

No, tomorrow truly couldn't have come soon enough at all.

When dawn finally broke over the village the silver haired man had immediately sprung into action, adamant that he was not spending another moment in this, his own special branch of hell. Having been given the all clear the night before there wasn't anything stopping him. He'd only stayed overnight at the request of the medics and Kakashi had complied somewhat begrudgingly. But the jounin would be damned if he stayed any longer, further risking another encounter with Tsunade. He just couldn't face the woman right now; his emotions were still running rampant and he knew he would shoot his mouth off if he saw her. The exchange more than likely ending with Kakashi back in hospital and in a much worse state than he'd been.

Sighing he ran a hand through his bed mussed hair and swung his body out of the sterile and downright uncomfortable cot. He gave a stretch as his protesting muscles spasmed at the usage causing him to wince slightly, the cool breeze of the morning blowing across his bare back not helping matters. That made the first port of call clothing and Kakashi set to rummaging through the numerous drawers littered about the private room. Honestly not expecting to find anything the jounin was pleasantly surprised a pair of worn looking jeans and a thick high neck sweater in his size. With a small smile on his face he pulled on the garments making a mental note to find out who had smuggled them in.

Finally clothed Kakashi moved toward the window planning to escape through his usual route but stopped before opening the receptacle and turned instead walking out the door. Really he was saving himself a whole world of hassle in the long run. If he discharged himself properly then it meant Tsunade wouldn't have to send anyone after him to get them signed, meaning that she wouldn't be alerted to the fact that he was about to go against orders.

The jounin stopped as a loud clatter broke his concentration, face trained into his traditional bored look Kakashi looked up.

"Hatake-San." The voice was shocked.

It was the intern from Kimura's team eyes wide and mouth gaping. After a moment she realised she'd been staring and flushed a brilliant red and promptly dropped to the floor to pick up the tray she had dropped. Feeling sympathetic Kakashi bent down to help her causing the young woman to jump and drop the items.

Kakashi chuckled.

The interns flush deepened.

"Is it really so surprising to see me up and out of bed?" He asked amusement obvious in his still damaged voice.

"No, It's more a case of me being shocked at seeing you up, about and not jumping out the window for dear life."

The witty comment caught Kakashi off guard and a raspy laugh erupted from his lips. It hurt but it was a pain that Kakashi could live with a thousand lifetimes over, it was worth every moment just to feel that lightness in his chest that only true amusement could bring. The intern gave a shy smile her face still an interesting shade of crimson.

"Well I thought I'd do things a bit differently this time. It has been an odd few weeks."

The young woman said nothing but simply nodded in reply agreeing wholeheartedly with the Jounin's comment. They parted ways and Kakashi hurried to the reception desk, eager to escape. The nurse on duty looked as shocked as the intern and the silver haired man was beginning to hastily regret his decision to do things properly. He hadn't had this many people staring at him like he was crazy since that Psych evaluation before he took on team seven. Pushing away the disconcerting thoughts Kakashi quickly signed the discharge paperwork and walked out of the front entrance.

Smack bang in Naruto.

The blond looked up and a smile crossed his features, but Kakashi could see it was forced. Something was wrong, very wrong.

"Naruto, what's wrong?"

The jinchuuriki looked away and rubbed his head nervously "It's nothing really."

Kakashi was not convinced in the slightest and he folded his arms across his chest, Naruto saw the gesture and sighed silently cursing his inability to properly hide his emotions.

"It's Iruka-sensei. I can't find him."

A lead weight dropped into Kakashi’s gut and a sliver of panic wormed its way through his heart.

"I went to see him yesterday. I was gonna surprise him at the academy take him to lunch but when I got there he wasn't there. So I went to his apartment and he wasn't there either and I've been looking all over Konoha for him and I can't find him... And I'm worried because he's been acting strange recently and then I heard the gate guards talking about how he blew up at some jounin who was bad mouthing you the night you woke up, so I thought he might have been here... and... and.."

"Okay Naruto you need to calm down. I'm sure he's fine, you've probably been just missing him."

Kakashi placed a reassuring hand on the youngsters shoulder, unsure of whom he was trying to convince more himself or the blond. Even to his own ears the words sounded false and Naruto didn't seem to buy them either.

"But you don't understand! The last time he was like this was with the whole Mizuki-bastard incident and..."

The blue eyes dimmed and pain flashed through them.

"Something happened." Kakashi stated bluntly.

Naruto simply nodded fidgeting on the spot. "I don't know what, but he ended up in hospital for over a week."

The sliver of panic erupted into a full blown pulse and it thrummed through Kakashi's body. He had a pretty good idea what had happened if the marks on Iruka's arms were anything to go by and it sent a shudder down the Jounin's spine. He had to act fast but first he had to get rid of the blond in front of him.

"Naruto you need to go home and rest. You're clearly exhausted and will only hinder the search."

"But..."

"No buts Naruto you need sleep, you look as though you are about to drop."

"But..."

"I said no buts. Home. Sleep. Rest. Now. That's an order."

"Yes sir."

Naruto looked put out but didn't argue anymore and swiftly raced off toward his apartment. When Kakashi could no longer sense the other's chakra he bit his thumb and summoned Pakkun, the chakra usage making his head spin. The pug looked up, eyes narrowed.

"What do ya' want boss?"

Kakashi grit his teeth fighting off nausea "I need you to find someone. You remember Iruka-sensei?"

The pug nodded his squashed face "The one you lent me to during the jailbreak right, why do you need to find him?"

"None of your business pup. Just find him."

"Alright, alright. Sheesh humans." The pug grumbled, rolling his beady eyes.

The small dog carefully sniffed the air and narrowed his eyes before bounding off. Kakashi followed obediently knowing that Pakkun would not let him down, the search was on and hopefully it would not be too late.

  
  


Iruka sat and sighed as he cast a weary gaze over the slowly waking village, seemingly entranced by the play of light and shadow. The brunette hadn't been home since the night Kakashi had awoken in the hospital and it showed in his appearance. He was still clad in the clothing he had worn to the bar, was unshaven and had dark circles under his expressive eyes, showing the man's wearied state. However Iruka's physical appearance didn't hold a candle to the tumultuous whirl of emotion currently occupying the man's being, in comparison it was a mere inconsequentiality.

"How did everything get so fucked up?"

The Chūnin voiced his question out loud as he ran a hand through his bedraggled locks; he had come to his quiet spot in order to find a balm for his troubled mind. To try and find that sense of normalcy, that sense of feeling that had been painfully bereft over the last few weeks leaving only numbness in its absence. If even the splendour of the village below his feet couldn't warm his despairing heart and soul, then Iruka knew that he was in real trouble.

He had passed the point of no return.

"I wish you were here Sandaime-sama."

He whispered to the stone head he was currently perched upon.

"I truly do, I could really do with some of that sage advice you seemed to always produce round about now."

A light breeze rustled through the trees in an almost mocking manner, emphasising the man's loneliness. Iruka shuddered slightly, drawing his arms tighter around himself in an attempt to ward off the chill.

"I really just can't understand how I managed to mess things up so badly. Actually scratch that, yes I do, I was a colossal emotional idiot."

The brunette dropped his head to his bent knees and let out a shuddering breath that bespoke of true agony.

"You always warned me my emotions would get me into trouble, I just wish I'd truly believed you and maybe I wouldn't be in this situation. Tsunade-sama is royally pissed at me, Naruto is worried about me; I outed myself to practically the entire village and Kakashi-san..." Here his voice broke slightly "Kakashi-san hates me."

The picked up blowing brightly coloured leaves from the branches, they swirled around the depressed form of the teacher tauntingly close before blowing over the edge. Iruka looked up and followed the multi hued foliage with a serious look.

"He must hate me; the look on his face when he saw what I had done was one of sheer revulsion. He was disgusted that someone he thought he could trust was a bloody gay and had been lusting over him. It hurt so much to see his disgust. I think I could have dealt with him not knowing and whatever this is being unrequited but for him to know and..."

Here his voice turned bitter and he let a humourless chuckle pass through his lips. He stood, unfurling his body like a cat as he stalked toward the edge of the cliff.

"They shouldn't have to be burdened with that, with me. Not Naruto, not Kakashi, not any of them. All I seem to do is make them more and more unhappy."

Iruka paused looking over the edge, staring longingly at the sheer drop under the stone faces.

"I should stop being so selfish, they would be better off without me weighing them down causing them pain. I should stop being so selfish and cowardly."

Mind made up the brunette took in a deep breath taking in the beauty around him before closing his eyes, an almost serene expression crossing his features.

"It's time I set them free of my burden."

And he stepped forward.

"IRUKA NO!"

Iruka's eyes flew open at the shouted exclamation and he felt the air rush from his lungs as he was very forcibly yanked by the back of his T. Shirt into a pair of strong arms. The Chūnin felt himself begin to tremble against his will as an all too familiar voice growled in his ear.

"What the  _ hell _ do you think you are doing?"

Iruka couldn't control the feeling spiralling out of control in his chest as the arms tightened around him, not painfully, but enough to let him know that he was NOT going anywhere until he had given a sufficient answer. He swallowed the lump in his throat and closed his eyes.

"It is none of your business Hatake-san."

Behind him Kakashi actually growled and the brunette tried to ignore the noise, ignore the warmth emanating from the body behind him and ignore the fact that Kakashi was there at all because it made this all so much harder.

"Iruka I'll ask you one more time. What the  _ hell _ did you think you were doing?"

"Like I said Hatake-san, it is  _ none of your business _ ."

Kakashi whirled the man around in his arms mismatched eyes flashing bloody murder. The brunette kept his eyes shut tight unwilling to face his would be saviour, knowing it would make him break completely.

"God damn it Iruka, I would think stopping you from walking off a cliff would  _ make _ it my business."

"I didn't ask you to stop me." Was the quiet, curt reply.

The jounin sighed and closed his eyes suddenly feeling incredibly tired even though he had only woken up a few hours previously. The silence between the two men stretched for what seemed to be an eternity, finally unable to take it any more Iruka spoke.

"Isn't this where you ask me why?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't ask questions I already know the answer to."

The brunette gave an indignant snort "As if you have any idea about me, you barely know me Hatake-san."

"I know more about you Iruka than you think..."

The Chūnin squirmed in Kakashi's grasp and Iruka felt momentarily flare with hope at the other man's words, a hope he quickly clamped down. It was impossible Kakashi couldn't know him before this they had been merely acquaintances who sometimes interacted because of a shared student. He couldn't possibly know the real him because Iruka knew he had shown Kakashi nothing but the person he was expected to be, the happy go lucky, quick tempered sensei.

"You're a liar."

The words fell from his mouth before he even realised and the brunette saw the look of hurt cross the older man's face. Iruka felt a moment of guilt but quickly squashed the feeling; he had to push Kakashi away before he lost control and did something even more stupid like kiss the man again.

"True, but I never lie about things that are important to me."

Again the wild hope sprang up in Iruka's chest and this time it took a little longer to suppress, it was getting harder and harder to ignore the emotions fluttering through him. Could he believe what Kakashi was saying? It had to be a ruse; the man would not have any interest in him other than to stop him from walking off the cliff. The thought hurt and the Chūnin focused on it allowing the numbness it brought to control himself.

"Well then you still must be lying then." Iruka answered coldly, not daring to meet the silver haired man's gaze.

Kakashi sighed deeply feeling despair curl in his stomach. Just what did he have to do to prove to the younger man that he was sincere? He had heard the entire one sided conversation, his anger, worry and protective instinct increasing with every self-deprecating word that was spilt from Iruka's lips. The jounin truly hadn't believed that the man would step off the edge, thinking that even though he spoke the words Iruka's heart could not truly feel that way. Kakashi had been sorely mistaken and it was with a jolt of fear, adrenaline and something he couldn't quite put a name to that he had dove after the teacher determined to stop him. Even now as he held the man tightly the strange emotions that had plagued him as he watched Iruka step forward refused to die down. He wanted to hold the brunette tight to his chest and never let go.

"Why must you always think so little of yourself? What can I possibly say to make you believe me?"

"There isn't anything you can say to make me believe you. I know this is just some twisted form of compassion." Iruka mumbled eyes shining in the light of the morning sun.

"Iruka..." Kakashi said softly, leaning in.

Their lips were almost touching when Iruka abruptly pushed the other man away.

"Please don't do this Hatake-san... it... it isn't fair."

The silver haired man just looked Iruka straight in the eye his gaze never wavering a look of absolute seriousness and sincerity etched on what could be seen of his face.

"I'm sorry Iruka but not for what I almost did. I'm sorry for not noticing you sooner, I'm sorry for not seeing the pain you were going through. I'm sorry for not understanding and appreciating just what you do for the people around you, I'm sorry I let people like Tsunade-sama treat you like shit not once but twice for just showing that you cared for someone and I'm so, fucking, sorry that people would take your feelings for granted because they considered them different."

Brown eyes widened at the beautiful words spilling from the copy-nins mouth the teacher felt the numbness inside him begin to crack and dissipate. He could detect no lie in the Jounin's voice and something inside Iruka finally snapped and he slumped to his knees tearless sobs wracking his body. Kakashi was at his side in an instant an arm wrapped around the brunette's shoulders in a comforting gesture.

"How... I don't understand, how did you know all that... Tsunade-sama she told you didn't she."

Iruka still refused to look the silver haired man in the eye, but Kakashi could sense the anger starting to unfurl in the teacher. It appeared that the sensei was none too happy about the Hokage supposedly having exposed the details of their encounters to the last person Iruka wanted to know. The jounin was still a little edgy about letting the man know just how he obtained his new found knowledge because he quite rightly suspected that Iruka would not be impressed knowing that he had been spied on. This was a tricky situation that was going to take some tact careful planning and most importantly keeping Iruka away from the Hokage. However that plan was blown out the water when two ANBU leapt down from the trees behind them landing gracefully on the stony ground

"Hatake Kakashi, Umino Iruka, Lady Hokage requires your presence immediately."

There was almost a hint of sympathy in the monotone voice behind the ferret mask but Kakashi knew it was probably just his imagination. Cursing his bad luck he rose to his feet and nodded, Iruka followed suit the unstable air around him intensifying.

This was not going to be pretty.

Shit.

~End chapter nine~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Runs away from the sharp pointy things being thrown her way*

**Author's Note:**

> You guys are all awesome and thanks for reading.


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